The Press Secretary
by Around here somewhere
Summary: Olivia has worked as the President's Press Secretary for seven years, she's been desperately in love with him for eight. She lived with the promise that one day, when he was done, he would be hers, forever. But somehow, that doesn't seem to be anymore. Being the secret girlfriend is hard, What happens when she just can't take it anymore? She doesn't trust him, why ever would she?
1. I Dreamed a Dream

Disclaimer: I do not own Scandal, or any of the songs used within this Story.

A/N: Hello all, not sure really what to say about this one... I kind of pick and choose which details from the show are prevalent to this story… but I hope you all really like it. Each chapter is titled and opened with a quote from a song… from a Musical… Leave me with some fabulous reviews once you've read it? Let me know if you're going to stick around? : )

The Press Secretary

Chapter One: I Dreamed a Dream

""I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed..."

~Les Miserables (Claude-Michel Schönberg)

Olivia Pope sat in her office, she was the White House Press Secretary. She had been the White House Press Secretary for seven, going on eight years. She was a strong woman, close with the first family, and a mystery to her co-workers. She had an intense respect from everyone working in the White House from Morris the guy who checked ID's on the way through the gate to the President's Chief of Staff – a much bigger accomplishment than the President himself. She was previously a fixer, who worked in and around the D.C. area, until the President's now Chief of Staff had asked her to fix his campaign. She had helped President Grant write every single on of his speeches, and was possibly the singular most important person on staff.

That afternoon, Olivia was sitting in her office, with the doors shut, working on part of the address that President Grant was supposed to deliver at the end of the week. They had been working late hours on it all week, but still something wasn't right about the fourth paragraph. She drummed her fingers on the desk – she had let her second in command, Britta, handle the morning's issues, they were boring, and there weren't many to be dealt with.

She sighed as she leaned back in her desk chair – she couldn't look at the speech anymore, she would pull it back up again after lunch. She opened the top right drawer in her desk, and smiled. There is was, the beautiful single red rose that had been put into her desk before she had arrived. The single red rose that kept her hanging on, strung like a fish on a hook baited with caviar, there was a handwritten note attached – like there so often was.

"Sweet Baby,

You could not possibly imagine how much I have missed you, even overnight. Meet me tonight, our spot, seven-thirty. I'll bring dinner. I Love you, beautiful."

She read it twice, but she had already read it over about eight times when she had first gotten in in the morning. She took a deep breath, he always knew how to make her heart race in the morning, she never needed any coffee. She swallowed. She was supposed to be meeting Cyrus to go to lunch – which was exactly what took her out of her trance. Cyrus Beene walked into her office, without bothering to knock, and she shoved the drawer with her daily flower from the married President Fitzgerald Grant closed.

"You ready to go?" Cyrus asked casually as he pulled on the coat he had been previously been carrying.

"Yeah," She said, getting up, "Let me just grab my coat. Where're we going?"

"I made us a reservation," Cy replied, as she crossed the room over to her closet to get her coat.

"You spoil me," She commented as she shrugged on her coat, "Are you sure James doesn't get jealous?"

"James understands that he's my husband, and you are my work wife," Cyrus smiled as he opened the door for her, "Plus I'm taking him out to dinner tonight."

"Ah, and the truth always comes out," Olivia chuckled as she led the way out towards the front of the White House.

As they were heading out, the President was coming in. He was busy, and his hair was slightly blown from getting off of Marine One. He had had a speaking engagement at a local college – to which the Secret Service had insisted on flying him to. He smiled at her, and damn he looked good as always. His eyes flickered over her from head to toe, then back to look into her eyes from afar causing her knees to almost fall to jelly. This only made her focus on what was ahead of her, there would be plenty of time for that later.

She hadn't been able to get him out of her head for weeks. They had been together longer than she cared to admit, but usually it hadn't been this bad. And, it wasn't as if she couldn't get him out of her head in a good way either. It was more an anxious, worried, sick to her stomach feeling. They had just reached the last year of his presidency, a time that she had been yearning for since the day he took office. As soon as he was done, he was leaving _her_, and he was going to be forever in Olivia's arms. No mistakes, no questions, no nothing, simple as that. He had promised her, he had promised her so many times. But for some reason she was dreading it – she was dreading him being done. Because, what if he didn't leave Mellie? What if he was just like every other married man with a mistress? Even if he didn't think of her like that, or at least that was what he said.

**Three And A Half Years Into the Presidency: **

Olivia was sitting, waiting for him in their spot, the blue room. It was one of the few rooms in the whole house that they had never bothered to place cameras in, and it was the exact place that she had been meeting with the love of her life for three and a half years. Six months. Six months, and he was going to be out, done – released from this Prison (His words, not her's) so that he could be free to be with her. He would be serving Mellie, his wife, with divorce papers and they would be together. Six months, and then their life could start.

He was late, he was never late. In fact, he was usually there before her, waiting, pouring them drinks. The room was all set up, like it always was. There was a bottle of wine, her favorite, waiting with glasses, and a beautiful spread for dinner. But, yet there she was, and she checked her watch – the one he had given her as part of her last birthday present. He had managed to figure out how to take her to the Bahamas, that had been the bigger portion of her present. They had spent a week there – together. There had been no one else but them for a full week – and they didn't have to worry, about anything. Their flights, and everything were booked on separate airlines, they arrived on different days, left on different days – there was a hotel room on one side of the Island registered to her that she had never even seen. The year before that had been Ireland, where they had gone out into the middle of nowhere. The year before somewhere off in the hills of Italy.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," He said as he walked into the room, loosening his tie as he strode towards her, "Thanks for waiting for me. I know – it's inexcusable tonight."

He fell to sit beside her, and leaned in to kiss her softly. His lips were always like magic against her's, particularly as he set his hands on her. One falling to her thigh, the other pressing against her neck, trying to assist the angle that he was getting on her mouth as she tasted his tongue feeling around in her mouth.

"God, I love you so much," He smiled like a little boy as he pulled away – his perfect gray eyes penetrating right through her, "Happy Anniversary, Sweet Baby."

He pulled a large, square jewelry box out of the inside pocket of his blazer, and popped it open with one hand as he pulled her close with the other. Her head fell onto his shoulder, and he pressed his temple against her forehead to watch her face as her eyes expanded in happiness. Inside the box awaiting her was a beautiful diamond necklace, that had cost him a small portion of his fortune. It looked like something out of a magazine that no one actually ever got anyone. The chain had diamonds imbedded inside of it, and the front had a couple pearls, each larger than the first connected by bigger and bigger diamonds. It was perfect, something that she could wear every day and no one would know that it was real – it was dainty, and suited her perfectly.

"The jeweler told me that it was the most beautiful that he'd ever sold," Fitz told her, as he took it out of the box, and sat up to put it around her neck, "I saw it, and all I've been able to think about for months has been the idea of it around your neck."

"Thank you, Mr. President," She smiled as he kissed her, then leaned back to admire it on her, "It's beautiful."

"See what you get for putting up with me for four years?" He chuckled as he leaned in and kissed her again.

"I love you, so much," Olivia said, she didn't say it often – but when she did, the way he lit up was incomparable, "Here."

She took a deep breath as she reached over the side of the couch and picked up the box she had wrapped up for him. She had always felt stupid when exchanging gifts with him, she received priceless things from him. She did her best to match it, his pin that he wore for example, was originally President Eisenhower's. She liked to give him little things that he would wear, and therefore their relationship was represented to everyone else too. She smiled as he opened it up – she had searched for it for months, but had finally found it.

"Oh, my God," Fitz said once he had finished ripping the paper off and opened the box, "How did you…"

"I have my own connections," She replied, as he pulled out the golden cuff links that had been the bane of her existence since the idea had occurred to her, "Those, as you know are the original Abraham Lincoln cuff links that he actually wore to his inaugural ball."

"Thank you, so much," He said, leaning in and kissing her briefly.

She reached up and ran her fingers through the side of his curly hair affectionately, and he contorted his neck so that he could kiss the palm of her hand too.

"Wow, you must really like me or something," He chuckled as he set the cuff links down on the table next to him, "Do you actually expect me to wear those?"

His eyes were transfixed on them as he leaned forward and took off his jacket. He threw it forward onto an opposing chair and then kicked off his shoes, so that he could be more comfortable. He leaned back and noticed that she had just simply been there watching him. He smirked, pulling her back into his arms, so that her head was against his chest as he pulled his tie off, and it joined his coat.

"You didn't answer me," He whispered, kissing her forehead softly – out of habit.

"Only on very special occasions," She replied, turning her head upwards so that she could lean up and kiss him.

"Oh like what?" He asked, playfully, both arms around her, as he held her as close as he could, "Our fifth anniversary?"

"Like in six months," She smiled, "When we're free – and we can be together outside – instead of always behind closed doors."

"Right," He replied, his face falling and she sat up a little bit – something was wrong.

"Fitz, what's wrong?" She asked, reaching up and caressing his cheek.

"I didn't want to have to tell you tonight," He said, "And especially not like this. I was going to tell you tomorrow."

"Tell me what?"

"I'm not going to be able to get out of this so easily," He said, then took a deep breath, "They're making me run for a second term."

She sat up, and he let her.

"Bullshit, they're _making_ you run again," She had to remind herself to keep her voice down.

"Cyrus and Mellie backed me into a corner," He replied, "They didn't give me a choice. We're announcing it at the end of the week."

"Of course she did."

"Hey, I don't like it any more than you do. This is why I didn't want to tell you tonight. And you know it's not like that," He said, "Mellie and I are a business arrangement."

"An arrangement called marriage."

"Livy, c'mon," He said, she could see his eyes breaking – he was really upset, and she was about to make it worse as the rage just boiled up through her from head to toe, "You know I love you. You know You're the only one, c'mon. I haven't even shared a bed with her since before I even met you. And thing between her and I is for show, for the cameras. Livy, you know me - if I had been able to do anything differently…I love you more than anything in the world."

"What if I said I wouldn't wait?" She said and his face fell further – which she hadn't even thought was possible.

"Liv, don't say that," He croaked, all bravado and confidence gone.

"What if I don't."

"Then I would be ruined," He said, "I would ruin myself. I love you, Livy. I'd refuse, and in order to, I'd have to tell everyone about us – and how I was running away from it to be with you – which I want to do, Livy. I would in a heartbeat if I didn't know that that would mean that everything I've done – we've done would be erased. Not a single legislature that I've passed would stick…"

He didn't have to continue, they both knew that she wasn't going anywhere. They had both known it from the second she even mentioned that she might not.

**Present Day: **

That night haunted Olivia's dreams at night – that was the first night that she ever truly felt hopeless, and sometimes it just haunted her in general. Olivia took a deep breath as she walked into the Blue Room, this night was one of those times. The table was set for two – and Fitz was lying on the couch. He seemed to have dozed off waiting for her, and she smiled a little bit as she crossed the room and went and laid there with him. He woke up as she laid herself into his arms, and smiled as he wrapped them tightly around her.

"Mmm, I missed you so much today," He said, "Mmm, my sweet baby."

He kissed her softly.

"Hey, sleepy."

"I had a busy day, I'm sorry," He replied, sitting up a little bit, holding her carefully, "I love you so much. I saw you leaving for lunch with Cy, why are you always so damn beautiful. I can't wait til we're free of this prison. You and me, twelve months. I can't wait until I'm the guy who's taking you out all the time. It's a very lucky thing that Cyrus is gay – that somehow limits the outrageous jealousy I have when he brings my girl to lunch every day."

"I'm hungry," Olivia replied, and he nodded as he let her go, and she stood up, him popping up right beside her.

"You know, I think that cat nap really helped," He smiled as he took her by the hand and led her over to the table, pulling her seat out for her.

"I love you so much, Sweet baby," He whispered into her ear, kissing her neck, as he pushed her chair in, and headed around to the other side, "Wine?"

"When have I ever objected to that?" She asked and he smiled as he opened the bottle, and poured her a glass.

"Never."

"So," He said as he sat down, "How was your day?"

"Slow," She replied simply, "I figured out how to fix your speech."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I had a copy delivered to your office," She replied, "But it was just as I was heading over here, so you'll read it in the morning."

"I'm sure it's genius," He replied lovingly, "Livy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," She replied as he sat down, and she took a sip of her wine.

"Livy, I know you too well for you to lie to me," He replied, "We've been together almost eight years. I can tell when something's wrong, and I can tell when you're lying. So what's up? Are you mad I fell asleep?"

"No," She replied, "It's nothing, really, Fitz."

"It's not nothing if it's bothering you," He replied, taking a bite, swallowing, and taking her hand across the table, "Just tell me, Liv. You've been upset for months, and you won't tell me. I can fix it, but I can't read minds – I'm not as good at that as you are."

"Fine," She breathed, then said it as if she were ripping off a band aid, "Are you really going to leave her?"

"Of course," He said, without a moment's thought, "Don't tell me that's what's had you so upset for this long. Livy, I love you, so much. I know how hard it's been, having to be secretive about us. I've wanted to shout it from the rooftops for eight years how much I love you."

"You say that," She stood up from the meal, she hadn't eaten a bite.

"Of course I say that, it's the truth," He replied, his brow furrowed, looking up at her – his eyes so innocent.

"How did I end up being this person, Fitz?" She asked, "How did I end up being the one burned?"

"No one's burned you," He stood up, he was going on the defensive now, "I have made no secrets to you my exact plans on what will happen when I'm released from this prison."

"Released from this prison," She repeated, she had heard the words too many times, "I'm tired of waiting. I can't believe I've waited this long. Eight years, Fitz. I'm done. I can't do this anymore."

"Why now?" He asked, he was angry now, "Why hold on this long and then leave right as we're about to cross the finish line?"

"Because as soon as we're about to cross it, it always manages to jump a couple miles ahead of us again," She replied, tears starting to fall, "As soon as you're out of here, we'll have to wait so you can give it enough time out of here before you can file for divorce God knows how long that will take. Then we'll for the divorce to go through – and then something else which will only mean that I still can't have you. You're like a fucking apple dangling in front of my face. No matter how hard I try I can only get so close before you escape me again. I'm tired, I don't want to be here anymore. Fitz, I'm done."


	2. Easy to Love

A/N: Thanks for all the positive feedback – I'm sort of kinda excited for this one (Don't worry there's no physco stalkers, or gunmen, just a whole lot of that lovely OLITZ drama) But I won't be able to update it as often as I update usually (To those who are used to reading my stories daily) this one is taking a little more time… Anyways Enjoy!

The Press Secretary.

Chapter Two: Easy to Love

"I know too well that I'm

Just wasting precious time

In thinking such a thing could be…"

~Anything Goes (Cole Porter)

Olivia was awake, but she didn't want to be, and there was a long list of things that she was and didn't want to be. Alive, would have to be the first thing on that list, awake was a close second, followed in quick succession with alone, in love, and depressed. The list seemed to go on and on and she let herself ramble on in her brain as she rolled over in bed, her hand over her head. Her heart was in pieces, and there was no way she was going into work today. She had had to take a sleeping pill or two in order to even fall asleep in the first place – and that was all she wanted to do that day, sleep. She hadn't missed a day of work because she was sick in seven years – besides her week of vacation – that she apparently wouldn't be taking this year – she had plenty of days saved up. Today, she was going to stay in bed and dream about dying, or something equally as morbid. Then, her phone rang. She thought about just letting it go, but then picked it up begrudgingly on the last ring.

"Olivia Pope," She grumpily greeted her caller.

"Olivia, it's Cy."

"What's up?" She asked.

"I was wondering if you could meet up with me this morning before work," He replied and she sighed.

"I was thinking I might take the day to myself," She replied, and Cyrus seemed shocked.

"Are you feeling ok? I could drop by with food or something if you wanted."

Oh, that was exactly what she needed. What she needed was to go to work, because she was good at her job. She was good at her job, and would be able to immerse herself in it and not be lying there thinking about Fitz all day. However, Fitz was her job – not all of it – but he was there. He would be there – she would have to see him, and know that they weren't a thing anymore.

"No," She told him, "I'm not sick. It's just cold out."

"Have you turned on the news yet?" He asked, and Olivia remained silent – she hadn't, "We're going to need you today."

"What happened?" Olivia asked, sitting up.

"Two of the guys in the Secret Service got caught with some hookers," Cy told her, "It should be a quick case, it's just as we can't release their names so the public and news has decided they're going to blame the entire secret service. That's why I need you to meet me before work."

"I'll meet you at your place in a half an hour," She said, and hun up the phone as she rolled out of bed.

She hobbled over to the bathroom and hopped into the shower. She then forced herself into something suitable for work before putting on minimal makeup and heading right over to Cyrus's house. She knocked on the door until James answered, who seemed somewhat less than pleased to see her.

"I just heard that you were coming over for breakfast," He said, and Olivia forced a smile.

"Sorry, James," She replied, "We just have to figure out a strategy, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Olivia," He said, noticing something different about her that day, "Is everything ok? You seem off."

"Everything's fine," Olivia's brave face came out, and James stepped aside as she walked into the house.

James led her into the dining room, where Cyrus was sitting eating breakfast already. Olivia sat down next to him, and James went and grabbed her a bowl of cerael and brought her out some coffee. Then, after a lengthy breakfast in which they set up a game plan to attack the situation with the Secret Service. Their situation, they decided- could be fixed quite easily with a big PR push for them, which Olivia could start working on once she got to her office. Cyrus could get Fitz to anounce his support for the secret service, not the individuals involved, but the Secret Service as a whole.

It was almost an hour after she usually showed up when she walked in. Her entire route through the white house had been been filled with roses. There was one when she first walked in, when she got on the elevator, when she got off the elevator, when she was heading into the area where her office was – it was like they were stalking her. She walked into her office she went over to the closet, and hung up her coat before she switched on the light and sat down at her desk. She felt like she had been hit by a truck, she kind of just wanted to scream.

"Fitz!" She jumped a little once she saw him sitting on the couch across from her desk.

He was still in the same suit that he had worn the night before, his hair was going everywhere. If it weren't for the gaunt, sad look on his face and the fact that his eyes were bloodshot to the point where they were almost bright red, she would have thought that he was irresistibly adorable. Instead of just flat out adorable the way she did anyways.

"Liv," He said, "You gotta talk to me – you didn't answer your phone last night…"

She took a deep breath, and swallowed trying to push his adorableness out of her mind. She needed to be strong, she couldn't just fold like this.

"I shut if off," She replied, "What're you doing here, Fitz?"

"I need to talk to you, Liv," He said, looking at her dreamily.

"Did you sleep down here?" Olivia came to a sudden realization.

"I wandered around for a few hours, then came down here," He answered.

"Well you need to go take a shower, and get in some clean clothes," She too another deep breath, "And then you need to get yourself some coffee – Fitz, you can't do this."

"Liv," He breathed, and Olivia had to look down at her desk, "Please? Just talk to me, we can fix this – can't we? Livy, please."

"Mr. President, you need to go to work," She said, impressed with herself and he sighed as he stood up, "Because I have a lot of work to do this morning – thanks to your wonderful Secret Servicemen, why is it again that we can't through the two actually responsible under the bus?"

"It's protocol," Fitz replied sadly, "But technically we can't do anything if the press figures it out and publishes their names."

"Thanks," Olivia said – she had already thought of it – but it was sweet of him to try and help.

"Can we talk, later?" He asked sadly and Liv looked up.

"I don't think that that would be a good idea," Olivia told him and he nodded.

"Ok," He replied, giving her a sad smile and walking out of the room.

His heart was broken and as broken as she was, seeing him like that just about broke her. She threw herself into her work for the morning, trying to keep herself from going and talking to him. She didn't trust herself, she knew if she went to talk to him she would fold. Then not only would she be back at square one, she would lose any pull that she may have had. Fitz, if he wanted her back – things were going to have to be different, and different before they got back together. But she wasn't holding her breath on that one. She had just finished the press release for the Secret Service and emailed it to all the major papers and networks when Karen walked into her office.

"Karen," Olivia got up and went and hugged her as she walked in, "What're you doing home?"

"Gerry and I got home this morning," She replied, "We have a break from school."

"So college going well still?" Olivia asked her, sitting her down on the couch with her, "Tell me everything."

"It's going ok," She replied.

"You still like it?"

"Yeah," Karen said, "It's nice being away – and I've always loved school."

"I know," Olivia forced a smile.

"So how're you and mystery man?"

"How many times have I told you that I'm not going to talk to you about this?" Olivia replied.

Karen had dubbed Olivia's boyfriend "mystery man" when she was ten. They were just getting settled into the white house, and she had gone down to talk to Liv, and walked in on Olivia on the phone with Fitz. The glow around Olivia had been undeniable even once she had hung up. Karen had then tried to get al lthe details out of her, which obviously wasn't going to happen.

"Oh, c'mon, Liv," Karen said, "You're not yourself – what happened?"

"I told you I am not talking to you about this."

"I saw dad this morning," she said, then took a deep breath, "I know it's him."

Olivia went silent, out of shock and surprise. She thought they had hidden it so well. She knew that Cyrus and Mellie knew – but that was just a hazard of them being so close to the situation. And, it wasn't as if Mellie really cared as long as she got to be first lady. Cyrus had originally been furious, but prefered just not to talk about it and pretend it wasn't happening. The kids, on the other hand she thought they had kept it from sufficiently.

"I've known for years," Karen replied to her surprise, "C'mon it's not like it's a huge secret. Dad's been sleeping in the guest room since before we moved in here – and I've seen the way you guys look at each other – so what happened? Why is dad walking around like a zombie, did you guys have a fight?"

"We broke up," Olivia told her, "Does anyone else know? Your brother? Anyone on staff?"

"Ha, like Gerry would pick up on something like this," She replied, "And on staff, to the best of my knowledge no. You broke up? What happened?"

"Nothing – Karen I'm not talking about this with you."

"Of course you are," Karen told her, "Who else are you going to talk about it with? C'mon, you're always there to talk about boys for me."

"This is a little different."

"C'mon, Liv," Karen said, "Who broke up with who?"

"I broke up with him."

"See, there's a start," Karen said, "Why'd you do it? You guys have been together forever, and dad's almost out of office – so he and mom can finally get a divorce. Do you think you're going to get back together?"

"Whoa slow down," Olivia replied.

"Oh c'mon it doesn't take a genius to realize that my mom and my dad weren't exactly made for each other," Karen said, "Mom's a bit intense, and I always felt bad for dad because he was married to her – and then I figured you two out, and I felt better. But now he's a wreck. So why'd you break up with him?"

Karen had always been her daddy's little girl. She may have grown up – a lot, but even at closing in on nineteen in a couple months – but she would always be her father's little girl. She was always so protective of him, Olivia sighed.

"It's complicated, Kare," Olivia replied and Karen looked at her sternly.

"C'mon, Liv," Karen said, "You broke my daddy's heart, and you're not even going to give me some sort of explanation? Please, just give me a reason why I shouldn't hate you – because I don't want to hate you, Liv. I'm not little anymore – you can talk to me."

"It's hard," Olivia told her, "I love him so much, and I saw him this morning too. I woke up missing him this morning, which happens sometimes – but then I just got more depressed knowing that I couldn't call him. I just – I'm scared, and I don't trust him."

"You guys have been together what ten years?"

"Almost eight," Olivia told her and she nodded.

"And you still didn't trust him?" Karen asked, "It's pretty crystal clear that he loves you."

"I thought I did," Olivia replied, "It's just – in the last couple months it's been – he's going to be out of here in a little less than a year. I'm no longer convienant to him –"

"You're worried he won't put in the extra effort, and drop you like a sack of potatoes," Karen finished for her, "You're worried he won't leave mom?"

Olivia didn't say anything, which Karen took as a definitive 'yes'. She decided, with the look on Olivia's face that it wouldn't be good to push for anything more. She was fairly certain that her father had been crossing off the days until he could be with Olivia for real. However, if Olivia was that scared, and that upset about it – telling her that wasn't going to change her mind. She was going to have to go about this very carefully if she was going to get them back together.

"Ok, I think you need some retail therapy," Karen said, and Olivia raised her eye brows.

"Retail therapy?" Olivia didn't think she heard her correctly.

"Yes," said Karen as there was a knock on the door.

"It's probably Cyrus, we usually do lunch," Olivia said, getting up and going to the door, then stepping aside, "Gerry, come join the party."

Gerry was tall, about an inch taller than his father, and other than that – he looked like a younger, slightly darker and greasier haired spitting image of his father. Or at least he was trying, he was much geekier and much lankier than his father. This was all emphasized by his voice, he sounded much more like the male version of his mother – which they had thought would go away when he was older – but it hadn't yet. This was thing he had been most selfconscious of at a kid – making him a guy of not a lot of words. And, it wasn't as if Karen had exactly let him be about it, or anything.

"What's up, Gerry?" Karen asked him as he walked in.

"Anyone know what's up with Dad?" He asked, "He's acting really weird."

"Nope," Karen told him, "Olivia and I are going to go shopping, though."

Olivia went to send Cyrus a text of a warning, when she realized she had missed one from him. He told her that he was taking James to lunch, to make it up to him that she had crashed their breakfast. Olivia put her phone away, ignoring all the missed calls that she still had from Fitz.

"Can I come?" He asked, and just as Karen was about to shoot him down, Olivia spoke up.

"Of course," She told him.

"Great," He smiled as Karen got up off the couch.

"We have to go quick though," Olivia told them, "We can only be gone an hour, tops."

"Yes, Liv," Karen replied, "We'll have a car waiting in five."

Olivia took a deep breath and grabbed her coat, making sure that her makeup was in the right place. When the kids were younger they had clung to her like a third parent – something that Fitz had always found a little comical. Karen used to do their homework either in her office or in the oval with her father. Gerry was always much quieter, shy, and she barely ever saw him outside of the residence until he was much older. However, when she did see him he was right there with her, asking for help and she was the only person in the White House who he would go to after school when he wsa being bullied – as if being the president's son wasn't hard enough.

"So what're we looking for?" Gerry asked as they were walking through the mall.

"Anything," Karen told him, "Anything Olivia sized."

"Ok," Gerry said, as they were about to head into a store.

"Olivia?" They heard a voice, and all three of them whipped around – the secret service agent that was with them stopped too.

There was a tall, dark Italian man standing a few feet away from them. Karen looked at Olivia, who seemed to be shocked, and then back at the guy. She had to keep her jaw from dropping, he was gorgeous. Olivia couldn't believe her eyes – she hadn't seen her college ex-boyfriend since he had left to go back to Italy after graduation – about a month after she had broken up with him – but that was years ago.

"Giacomo?" Olivia blinked, shocked to see him, "What're you doing here?"

"I just got work here," He replied, somewhat brokenly, smiling, "I will be – ah – teaching at the George Washington, Archeology."

"Really?" Olivia said.

"Yeah," He smiled, hooting her a big cheesy smile, "So what have you been up to?"

"I'm working at the White House," She told him, "Oh, Gerry, Karen – this is Giacomo."

"Nice to meet you both," He said, with his usual amount of charm, "Me and Liv go way back. I haven't seen you in years. I knew you'd end up somewhere big."

He smiled at her.

"Thanks."

"So, Olivia," He said, "What do you think about grabbing a bite to eat with me sometime?"

Olivia paused – there was no way in hell she was ready to even get out of her sweats unless she had to for work. Her heart was in about a million pieces. It would be fine if he just wanted to catch up as friends – but if he was asking her on a date…

"I don't—"

"Of course she would," Karen butted in – surprising Olivia.

"Good," He smiled, "I'll call you later – you still have same number, yes? I'll see you later than."

"Karen," Olivia said, once he had walked off.

"If he wasn't taking you out, he was taking me out," She replied as they walked into the store, she shared a knowing glance with Olivia – they weren't able to speak freely because of Gerry, "Besides, when's the last time you went out? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."


	3. Always True to You - In My Fashion

A/N: Hello, everybody! I feel like I haven't updated this story in ages… anyways – hope you all enjoy it : )

The Press Secretary

Chapter Three: Always True To You – In My Fashion

"How in hell can you be Jealous

When you know, baby, I'm your slave?

I'm just mad for you,

And I'll always be.."

~Kiss Me, Kate (Cole Porter)

A few days later Fitz was sitting in a meeting – and he literally couldn't get himself to focus on whatever was going on for the life of him. Cyrus kept shooting sideways glances and disapproving looks, he knew that he had to smarten up – that he had to start paying attention, but he couldn't think about that. All he could think about was Olivia, and how she should be there – and why she might still be avoiding him. She had been avoiding him as best she could since they broke up, and up until that moment he had believed somehow that she was fine. It was just him that was having such a hard time – but maybe not. He took a deep breath, his mind flooding with a mixture of old memories and current fantasies.

He daydreamed of her bursting through the door to the Oval Office later, begging him to take her back. She would admit how ridiculous she was being – and how much she loved him. How much she still wanted him – and how she knew that he was going to leave Mellie. How she somehow knew how delicate the situation was – how perfectly he was going to have to plan out drawing them up – and cutting him a little slack on not having them right away –

"Mr. President," Cyrus interrupted Fitz's fantasy – and less importantly, the meeting.

Fitz looked up as if he had been ripped from the sweetest of dreams, and Cyrus was ready to rip all of his remaining hair out, then start working on Fitz's. Fitz noticed the look in his eye – and knew exactly how much trouble he was in. He had a hard time hiding anything from Cy, and there was no exception here as he attempted to lick his wounds from Liv – so that he could go right back and get some more.

"I'm sorry," Cyrus continued, "We're going to have to reschedule this meeting – and can the President and I have the room, please?"

"I know what you're going to say, Cyrus," Fitz said as he walked over to his desk to pour himself a scotch, "You can save your breath."

"No, sir," Cyrus said as he took the bottle of scotch from him, "I don't think I can."

"Give that back."

"No," Cyrus told him, "You've had enough."

"The love of my life just broke up with me," Fitz said, try to forcibly take the bottle of scotch back from him, and losing the battle, "After eight years, she's gone – Cy."

"I know, sir," said Cyrus – he was more than fed up with the whole situation, "But you need to buck up. You're falling apart. Have you even showered today?"

"Why're you yelling at me, Cy?" Fitz replied, angrily as he swiped for the scotch again – and Cyrus shook his head, "Go yell at her. I haven't even seen her in days, she's avoiding me."

"Sir, I'm yelling at you because you're the one who still looks like they're going to fling themselves off a cliff," Cyrus pointed out, "You're the one who isn't bathing properly, who's drinking far too much scotch, and who's failing to function. Olivia's doing her job – she's sad, she's depressed – but she's doing her goddamned job."

"How could she do this to me, Cy?" Fitz asked and Cyrus shrugged.

"We both knew that it was only a matter of time," Cyrus said, cruelly – attempting to light a fire under his ass, "You were never anywhere near good enough for her –"

"Shut up, Cy," Fitz was leaning on the desk, "I know, ok? I know … she's – perfect. She's Liv, she's – She didn't say anything that wasn't true. I have been delaying the divorce, ever since we started dating. There's no reason for her to trust me, and I can't exactly expect her to just stick around waiting for me to not choose her. What a fucking idiot I've been – and now I've lost her. She'll never come back to me-"

"I've heard enough of this," Cyrus replied, so fed up with his friend, "Call me when my friend is back, call me when the President has returned to his body – because this man? He's pathetic."

Cyrus left the Oval Office, and checked his watch. It was just about lunch time, which meant that he was off to Olivia's office. He took a deep breath. It made sense that Fitz was so destroyed, he had always been weak, feeble minded. It made sense that Olivia was the one acting strong, she was the one with the backbone. And yet somehow even she was not herself in this mess. Even she, even Liv was destroyed – but she was pushing herself, forcing herself to be ok. That was something that Cyrus could at least respect. He felt a little bad about how he had treated Fitz – he would apologize to him later.

"Liv?" Cyrus asked as he walked into her office – she was curled up on her couch as opposed to behind her desk as usual, "What's up?"

"Nothing," She sniffled, good old Liv – she never wanted anyone to know when she was upset – it was a trait that Fitz had somehow missed, "Lunch? Right? Where are we headed?"

"He's a mess, Liv," Cyrus replied as she got up to go get her coat, "I just had to pry a bottle of scotch from his hand. Couldn't you at least talk to him?"

"I guess if he came down later, I could," Olivia replied, "But I don't know what that would accomplish."

"Oh c'mon Liv," Cyrus told her, "I think you've scared him enough. You have no idea what a wreck he is. He gets the point, I think. I don't blame you for breaking up with him – I don't know how you put up with him for so long – but you love him. Just take him back, Liv. You're a mess – not as bad as him – but you're a mess too, in your own way. And don't try to say you're not, I've known you too long for you to deny it."

Olivia was silent, she had been silent about the date that Karen had made her with Giacomo. It was that evening, which was why she was even more of a mess that day than any other. She knew she wasn't ready, and every few minutes she was arguing with herself whether or not she should call him and call it off. She missed Fitz, Cyrus was right she did love him. He was her soul mate – how could she not miss him? But being her soul mate didn't mean that they were going to end up together at the end of this. But she didn't want to hurt him, that's why she had kept her date with Giacomo under wraps so well. She took a deep breath – she knew what she had to do, she had to hurt him so he would buck up. He had to get another shock to his system so that he would pick his head up.

"I can't take him back, because I have a date tonight, Cy," Olivia told him.

She knew all too well that Fitz would know as soon as Cyrus could arrange it. The feeling of one luke-warm tear falling from one eye. She reached up and flung it away, taking a deep breath, this was not going to break her. She could do this. She would move on, she knew that he wouldn't unless he thought she had. She took a deep breath. Her inner struggle did not go unnoticed by Cyrus – but she didn't know how much of this was going to be relayed to Fitz. Her and Cyrus were on the same team, they always had been – Fitz's wellbeing above all. Cyrus knew Fitz, only slightly less than she did. He knew what to say to keep him from drinking himself away.

"Can I ask who with?" Cyrus asked, he was surprised over all – that had not been the response that he had been expecting.

"Giacomo, my college boyfriend is back in town," She replied, getting her coat from the closet, "You remember him, don't you?"

"Handsome, tall, speaks broken English in that really adorable way, handsome?" Cyrus recalled and Olivia nodded, "He was going to be an architect, right? Have you ever dated anyone normal? Ever?"

"Giacomo was and is normal."

"He's normal to you? He's a male supermodel who managed to actually have some brains in his head," Cyrus replied, "Anyone, at all who didn't look like your ripped him out of an ad? Or isn't the President of the United States?"

"Billy McGrady, kindergarten," Olivia told him, "He ate paste."

"There you go, "Cyrus chuckled, "Anyways, what's Giacomo up to?"

"He's teaching it at George Washington," Olivia filled him in as she put her brave face back on, "We ran into him at the mall – Karen volunteered me to go to dinner with him."

"Karen did?" Cyrus replied, he was now trying to cheer Liv up – he had always had a soft spot for her, "Well that's a little too ironic for my tastes."

"She knows," Olivia replied, and Cyrus didn't look too surprised.

"She's a smart girl," Cyrus replied, "She knows almost all the secrets around here. Especially with how much time she spends with Fitz."

"You're going to tell him, aren't you?" Olivia said.

"You knew I would."

"I know," Olivia said, softly.

"Did you not want him to know that you were dating again?"

"I wouldn't this soon," Olivia said and Cyrus nodded.

"You gave the man eight years," He said, "How much more are you supposed to give?"

"I love him so much, Cyrus."

"I know you do, kiddo," He said, taking her under his wing and giving her a hug, "Are you ready for Lunch?"

"Yes," She replied, ducking out from under his arm and pulling her coat on, "I think I'm going to have to leave."

"Leave where?" Cyrus asked as they headed out of the building.

"Here," She replied, "It's too hard working here – I can't avoid him forever, and I can't see him without wanting him."

"You can't leave, Livy," He said, troubled, "We wouldn't last a day without you – it's only been a few days. Give yourself a little while more – there's no need to rush into any more major life decisions, ok?"

"Ok," Olivia breathed.

"One major life choice at a time, right?"

"Right."

**Five Months Into the Presidency: **

"Come with me," Fitz said as they sat in the rose garden.

It was the summer, July, and they were enjoying the evening outside rather than inside. Olivia smiled, they were sitting in a blanket, and they had just enjoyed a nice picnic dinner, that Fitz had packed for them himself. She smiled as she leaned back against him. Her head fell perfectly onto his chest and his fingers combed through her hair lovingly as he pressed his lips down against the top of her head.

"Come with you where?" She asked as he began ghosting his fingers around her neck – goose bumps instantly popping up all over her.

"This weekend," He said smiling down at her, "I have to travel. I thought it might be fun for you to come along. It'll be like when we were on the campaign trail, us in a hotel – one of the room keys never even being used. What do you say, Liv?"

"I say it's too risky now," Olivia replied.

"You're my press secretary," He replied, "Why would it be risky for you to travel with me? It's kinda expected, isn't it?"

"I haven't so far," She pointed out and he chuckled.

"Right," He said, "You know Cy knows about us, right?"

"I do," Olivia replied, "He told me he knew yesterday. How did he find out?"

"I told him."

"Are you crazy?" Olivia's head whipped around to look at him.

"I love you," He replied, smiling charmingly, "He was talking about setting you up with some guy – said you hadn't dated anyone since some Italian guy in college, so I set the record straight."

"You're nuts," Olivia said, looking at her watch, "I should go."

"What? Going to turn into a pumpkin at eight?" He asked as he checked his own.

"I –" Olivia hadn't said it yet.

She wanted to, she loved him more than anything in the world – she just couldn't get it out. He smiled, he was being very good about it – he had started saying it a very long time ago. She knew that she was being ridiculous – they both knew that she loved him too – what was the big deal with her saying it? She wouldn't still be with him if she didn't.

"It's not hard," He attempted to coax her, "Just say it with me, I – Love – you."

She smiled, coyly, and he shook his head, leaning in and kissing her softly.

"Well, I love you. Maybe you'll be able to say it back in about three and half years?" He joked, "Goodnight, Livy. Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the meeting in the morning?"

"Ok," she replied, as they both stood up.

"And give some thought to the trip," Fitz told her as she started walking away from him, "I promise, I'll make it worth your while."

She was walking back through the rose garden – heading towards the parking lot when she heard Mellie's voice out on one of the patios. It was the one near the Oval and Olivia paused to listen.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Cyrus," Mellie was mid tirade, "I know exactly where my husband is. He's with that woman – he's always with her."

"Madame I have no idea what you're talking about," Cyrus was playing dumb.

"Don't play dumb, Cyrus," She replied, "It doesn't look good on you. I understand that you're protecting her, that girl. I don't understand it. Olivia always seemed so smart to me – I guess she did to my husband too. Well, if you've got your little heart so set upon protecting her – you should keep her away from him, Cy. She will never know that man like I do – there's no way that she could ever match up. He might like her for a time – but they never leave their wives, do they Cy? You would know that one first hand, wouldn't you – James is still married to his wife, isn't he?"

"I don't see why my problems need to be discussed," He shot back acidly.

" Men are creatures of habit – in the end, he'll choose me because I'm what he knows, James' wife is what he knows. He'll never leave, just like Fitz'll never leave."

"That's where you're wrong," Cyrus told her, "James asked her for a divorce last week."

"Well, that's all good and fine for you," Mellie replied, "But I know my husband – he won't. He's not as strong as James."

**Present Day: **

Olivia was just finishing a quick press release up in her office before she was heading out to meet Giacomo for dinner. She had been berating herself for days trying to talk herself out of it, then back into it, then out of it again. She knew that he was nothing compared to Fitz, that no man ever would be. But, Giacomo loved her, he had always loved her – and he had been enough for her once. She would be able to love him again, right? Or had she ruined herself?

"Oh, good you're still here," Fitz's voice made her head shoot up from what she was writing.

"Hi," She said, attempting to keep up a somewhat professional stance as he shut the door behind him – sitting down on her couch.

"What the hell are you thinking going out?" Fitz asked, "Especially so soon – how could you do this to me?"

"Fitz…"

"Ok, I get that you don't want to be with me anymore," He said, "You don't love me anymore, you don't want to wait around anymore, or you don't care – whatever. But you have to have realized how much this would hurt me. How flat out mean it would be to rub it in my face like this."

"I'm not rubbing it in anyone's face-"

"You told Cyrus," Fitz replied, "I have to assume that that was on purpose so that I would find out. What did you expect me to say nothing?"

"I expected you to let me move on," Olivia replied.

"Moving on requires you to have mourned," Fitz replied, "What would have happened if you had run into this guy and we were still together? Would you have just gone out with him, or would you have done me the courtesy of at last calling me to break up?"

"I don't know," She shot back, "What did you ever tell your wife about me? Oh wait, you didn't – even though she's known practically the whole time, you coward. And how could you possibly believe for one second that I don't love you? How could you say that about me? You know damned well that I adored you – that I love you way more than I ever should have."

"Then why did you leave?" Fitz was close to tears – and Olivia knew it, she knew she couldn't let him get that far, she would crumble, "You're still in love with me – I'm still in love with you. If you go on this date tonight,- it's -it's cheating, Liv."

He stormed out of the office as quickly as he had walked in, the door slamming behind him. The second she heard the door shut, she let herself collapse onto her couch. She was crying, feelings and emotions everywhere. Fitz so upset, causing her to be upset. There was no way she was going to be able to pull herself together for her date – and she had a feeling that that had been Fitz's intentions. She was supposed to meet Giacomo a few minutes ago, but instead pulled out her cellphone to call and cancel the date. She sucked it up, she was not going to call him crying.

"Hey, I'm sorry," She said into the phone as he picked up.

"Olivia," He said, "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," She told him, "I just got stuck at work. And, I don't think I'm ready to be dating – I'm just coming out of a really long relationship here… and…"

"Olivia, stop," Giacomo said firmly, "I'm not an idiot, I know that the girl rushed you into this – and I figured that you weren't sitting around pining for me for ten years. I wasn't sitting around waiting for you. I got married, I had a kid – but she wasn't you, Olivia. And It's not some 'If I can't have you, I don't want anyone' that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is – I'm not going to settle. I'm going to have your heart, and you're going to have mine or else nothing. I'm not sharing you, just like I would never ask you to share me. So just think about what I've said, and get back to me, ok?"

"Ok," Olivia replied, so shocked to hear everything she had ever wanted to hear Fitz say spout out of is mouth.


	4. Not While I'm Around

A/N: So in the flashback, if it seems like I'm focusing too much on the Olitz, it's because I am… I miss writing their scenes and this chapter's otherwise devoid of it, so…

The Press Secretary

Chapter Four: Not While I'm Around

"Being close and being clever

Ain't like being true

I don't need to,

I would never hide a thing from you,

Like some..."

~ Sweeney Todd (Stephen Sondheim)

Olivia hadn't called Giacomo back, she hadn't decided whether she was going to or not. He wasn't right the first time, why would she put him through the pain of trying again. Why would she put herself through that? She wasn't a monster, she would end up with feelings for him again, she would just know what could have been – and that wasn't fair – that wasn't what he wanted. He would, at this rate, always be second. How could someone do that to a person? Anything but number one, with no number two in their life was cruel. But how could anyone promise that? It wasn't like people lived in a bubble. This had been the argument going on in a loop in her head since Giacomo's call.

This wasn't to be simplified by her meeting that morning that she had been unable to avoid. She hadn't talked to Fitz since Friday when he blew up at her in her office by choice. They had managed to keep it casual in the meeting, under Cyrus's ever watchful eye. Everyone in the room could tell that they were not their usual selves, and everyone from the janitor on up knew it.

Olivia was just thankful to be back in her office, though Fitz had seemed a much more like himself that morning – which she was currently trying to pull apart to figure out whether she liked it or not. It was obviously a good thing, to see Fitz even attempting to be his normal self, but what did that mean about his feelings about her. Where they waning? Had she been right all along? Or did he feel bad about what he had said – and therefore was trying to make amends by giving her what he thought she wanted. Which was good, because it was still what she wanted – right? If that was what she wanted, then why was she still eviscerated on the inside? – She needed a drink.

"Why the long face?" Gerry asked, walking into her office, shutting the door behind him and plopping down on her couch.

"Hey, Gerry," Olivia replied, finishing the first draft of Fitz's latest speech and emailing it off to him so that he could start reading it over, "What's up?"

"I asked you first," He replied playfully, making Olivia smile.

"It's just been a long day," She said, looking out the windows to make sure that it was in fact dark out – and that the nightmare of a day was in fact almost over.

"It's late," He stated the obvious, in only a way that Gerry could ever do, "Everyone else has gone home, why haven't you?"

"Gerry, when have I ever made it out of here before some ungodly hour?"

"Never," He replied, and she nodded, "But, c'mon, Olivia – there's no reason to be here still, and to be so sad – well that's practically a crime. C'mon, tell me, why so sad? How was your date with whats-his-face?"

Olivia was wondering when he would ask about that Gerry had been harboring a little, harmless crush on her since she made a point to help him with his math homework on the campaign trail. Fitz tried to help him when he had time, but Gerry didn't like his father trying to teach him stuff like that – and God only knew what Mellie's excuse was. So, Olivia made the effort, she hated the look on what she could only imagine Fitz looked like when he was little so sad and frustrated. Fitz of course had been blissfully unaware of Gerry's little crush – and she hadn't seen the point in making him aware of it .

Karen on the other hand. She had torn him to shreds when they were younger about it – now it was so subtle it barely showed up. Karen had since turned over a new leaf, making a audible promise to Olivia that she would make a point to be nicer to him – especially after his incident. His incident had changed a lot about how everyone close to the family approached Gerry. Olivia could see him getting frustrated now, with everyone handling him with kid gloves all the time. Still, even seeing that, Olivia knew that even she was guilty of it – some times more guilty than most.

"I didn't go," She told him, taking a deep breath as she shut her laptop down.

"Why not?" He asked, he looked genuinely surprised, "Karen set the whole thing up for you with that guy – what was he an ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Olivia replied, "So what's up with you? What're you doing wandering around here this late?"

"Just wandering around," Gerry replied, shrugging – and she nodded, "I saw your light was on, so I came in."

"That's fine, Gerry," She told him, "Do you know what's bugging you?"

"Nothing really."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No."

"You would tell me the truth, right?" Olivia checked and Gerry nodded.

"You want to check me for knives?"

"No," Olivia replied, "I trust you, Gerry."

"So why don't you get out of here?" He asked, "We could go out, if you wanted. I am twenty-one now, wanna go get a drink or two?"

"Should you be drinking?" Olivia questioned, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, Olivia," He replied, his frustration flashing, and Olivia backed off immediately.

"Ok," Olivia said, but she remembered that night like it was yesterday, "I'm sorry, Gerry."

**Four Years into the Presidency: **

"Fitz," She chuckled as his hand slipped onto her thigh, slowly making its way higher.

They were sitting in the blue room, on the couch that Fitz had been joking about getting replaced with a pull out. He had been shamelessly tormenting her all evening. All she wanted was to curl up and cuddle with him – which ordinarily he would have absolutely no issue with – but tonight he was being difficult. They had already finished their dinner – and Olivia had absent mindedly wondered if this was the second dinner that he was eating – before deciding that she needed to be snuggled.

"I'm not giving in until you say it."

"You're not being fair, Fitz," She replied, "I need to be snuggled."

"I know that," He replied, "But I need one little promise from you."

"Fitz, you cannot sleep over this weekend."

"And why not?" He asked, leaning in and kissing the side of her head softly, "We're scotch free this weekend. Mellie's taking Gerry to the accepted students' day up in Boston, and she's taking Karen with her. Apparently it's never too early to start looking into schools."

"Are you sure it's such a good idea to send him that far away?" Olivia asked, "He's kind of a quiet, melancholy kid."

"He'll be fine," Fitz replied, kissing the side of her head as he started to give up and snuggle her, "I was the same way in high school. College brought me right out of my shell. – What?"

"Insightful," She replied, leaning up and kissing him softly.

"Was that to make up for the fact that I didn't have my first kiss until I was twenty?" He replied and Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"Seriously?"

"I caught up quickly," He assured her, as he leaned down and kissed her softly.

"It doesn't seem to have stunted you any," She teased him and he smiled against her lips.

"That's good to hear," He replied, his hand caressing her shoulder.

"I love you, so much," She smiled, and he grinned – losing any composure or stoic expression that he might ordinarily have – he was grinning like it was from his soul.

"So is that a yes to me staying over this weekend?" He tried and she rolled her eyes, "I'll take that as a no – I have an idea."

"Why am I scared?" Olivia teased him and he chuckled as he leaned in and kissed the side of her head.

"Why don't you stay here," He replied.

"All weekend?"

"If you want, or just one night," He replied, "It's up to you – if you think it's safer. I don't care. I was just hoping to get out of here – but it doesn't matter to me where we sleep as long as we're together."

"What? So I can sleep in the first bedroom?" She chuckled and he shook his head.

"Mellie sleeps in the first bedroom," He told her, "I sleep down the hall and to the right, the other side of Karen and Gerry's rooms."

"Well then, down the and to the right of the first bedroom?"

"Or you could just think of it as my room," He replied, kissing the top of her head, "Where I sleep, and dream about you. Oh yes, stay here."

"What night?"

"Friday," He replied.

"What if something happens?"

"That would be the idea, no?"

"That's not what I meant," Olivia said as he kissed the side of her neck, "And you know it."

"You mean what if something happens and we're all called in?" Fitz replied and she nodded as he kissed a trail up the side of her neck lovingly, "I think that just about everyone could be convinced that you were still in your office – no matter what time it happens at."

"True," Olivia replied, as Fitz phone rang over where it had been abandoned on the table, "You should get that."

"I don't wanna," he replied childishly as he stroked her arm affectionately.

"It's your personal, so either it's one of the kids – or it's an emergency," Olivia replied and Fitz nodded.

"I told Karen to give me a call when she got home from her dance class," Fitz replied, as the phone stopped ringing, "It's probably just her checking in before she goes to bed."

"Ok," Olivia said, there was a pause and then the phone rang again.

"Ok, ok," Fitz disentangled himself from Liv as he walked over to the table and picked up the phone, "Hello?"

He paused to listen as Olivia sat up, fixing herself up while Fitz was on the phone.

"What?" He asked, his voice hitting a note that Olivia had only heard once before – and her head shot up.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked him and he help up a gentle hand that said he would explain in a moment.

"Yes, I'll be right there, can you have a car waiting in the front of the house? Thanks," Fitz said as he picked up Olivia's coat and threw it to her, "C'mon, we're going."

"Where are we going?" Olivia asked as he put on his own coat, "What's going on?"

"They just had to rush Gerry to the hospital," Fitz replied.

"What? And I'm coming?" Olivia replied as she buttoned up her coat, "Are you sure Mellie'll be ok with that?"

"I need you there. If anyone asks I ran into you on the way out – besides, we're going to need a cover up, Liv," Fitz replied, "Mellie'll want you there. The last thing that she will want is this getting out."

"Fitz, what happened?" Olivia said as she started to follow him towards the door.

"He slashed his wrists," Fitz stopped with his hand on the door knob, and turned back to her, "The housekeeper just found him in the bathroom."

"What? Is he ok?"

"They're saying he's going to be fine," Fitz replied, "They stopped the bleeding."

"The bleeding isn't the real issue here," Olivia replied, and Fitz nodded.

"I know," Fitz replied, "We're going to have to reschedule Friday night."

**Present Day: **

"C'mon, Liv," Gerry said, calling her back to the present, "I've been in therapy how long? I think I can handle a couple drinks. C'mon, what do you say?"

"I don't think it's a good idea, Gerry," Olivia told him, and he nodded.

"It's ok, maybe another time?" He replied, "I just hate to see you like you've been. I thought maybe I could help out with that. I know a thing or two about forcing yourself to feel better."

"Oh, now you've got jokes," Olivia smiled, "Sorry, though Gerry – Maybe some other time?"

"Of course," He replied, "Of course, I have to go back to school soon."

"It's your last semester, right?"

"Yup," He replied, "I like school, there nobody knows – there I'm just the president's kid. Then I'm back here to be monitored twenty-four hours, seven days a week."

"You don't have to."

"Have you met my mother?" Gerry replied.

"I have," Olivia sympathized, and he nodded.

"Or my dad?"

"I bet you could talk to him," Olivia replied, leaning back in her chair, "He'll help you. He told me when they asked me to cover it up it was because he wanted you to be able to move on."

"Yeah, well my dad can't help anyone right now," Gerry replied, "He can't even help himself. I tried talking to him – he just kinda shut me out."

"I'm sorry, Gerry," She told him, "He's just going through something right now – he'll be ok."

"Ok," He replied as she got up.

"I'm going to get going," She told him as she went over to the closet and grabbed her coat, "You should head back to the residence, right? Aren't you supposed to be under surveillance or something?"

"Funny," He replied, as they started walking out, "Mom's away – I guess that's why dad got away with his mopey routine as long as he did. You said you didn't know why he was acting that way, right?"

"Nope," Olivia replied, as she leaned on the door out of her area of the White House, "She'll be back tonight – best not let her know he was like that, ok?"

"What could she do to him?" Gerry replied, smirking, "It's not like they're actually a functioning couple? He's been sleeping down the hall since I was like eight."

"He has?" Olivia tried to seem surprised, and Gerry nodded.

"C'mon, you must've known that," He replied and Olivia shrugged.

"I'll see you around, Gerry," She told him as she headed for the front door, "Try and get some sleep."

She hadn't even made it to the end of the driveway, saying goodnight to the gate keeper as she passed him. She was walking to the parking lot, she realized that she would never make it through the night without a drink. She sighed as she reached her car. She had a brand new bottle of wine in the house – but she didn't want to be alone. She took her cell phone out – calling Abby, and Stephen – and neither of them were picking up.

"Damn it," She breathed, dialing Giacomo.

"Olivia?" He replied.

"Hey," She took a deep breath, "I'm not calling like calling you back – because I'm not ready. I don't know what to tell you, and I'm not even ready to be in a new relationship – I don't know if I'll ever be. But what I am ready for is a drink – but my friends won't pick up their stupid phones –"

"You want to meet up somewhere?" He asked, "I'm sort of already out – but I can meet up with you if you want."

"I'm just leaving work."

"Ok, when, where?"

"You're not surprised that I'm just leaving work?"

"I dated you for two years, Olivia," He replied and she smiled a little, "You would stay there until two in the morning if they wouldn't kick you out."

"I'll meet you at Hector's for some friendly drinks?"

"Just friends, promise."


	5. Hopelessly Devoted to You

A/N: Ok, so here we are? I hope you guys like the chapter… Fitz ahhhh well, the Fitz you've all been waiting for may have decided to show his gorgeous face :)

The Press Secretary

Chapter Five: Hopelessly Devoted to You

"Guess mine is not the first heart broken,

My eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,

There's just no gettin' over you.."

~Grease (John Farrar)

Fitz was sitting in the Oval Office, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes, because he had been using them intensely for the past hour. It had been a very quiet morning, and he had a new found hatred for such mornings. He was the President of the United States for Christ's sakes, how was it that all he had to do that morning was to stare at and pretend to be looking over a speech that Olivia had sent up the night before. There wasn't even a point to him giving it any sort of real thought, because she hadn't even sent the second draft yet – which he assumed would be coming in sometime soon. Her second drafts always varied greatly from her first ones, and were always exponentially better. He used to love quiet mornings, that was generally when he and Olivia would work on the speeches – together.

This whole thing was ridiculous, and what really stung was that she hadn't even sent any sort of message with the speech. No greeting, no nothing. He felt awful about what had happened a couple of nights before. He had never wanted to hurt her – and he knew that that's exactly what he had done. He had been doing it for years – he knew that – but that had been more subtle. He knew that it hurt her to know that she was the mistress – even if she really wasn't. He knew that was the title that she gave herself, and he knew that he should have done something more about it. But somehow it made him feel so much worse actually having yelled at her like that – it was unforgivable. There was no gray area, and he knew he had done her wrong, black and white.

He sighed as he sat up in his chair – looking over at the clock. Olivia had been in her office for about two hours now, and he had been fighting himself on whether or not she would allow him anywhere near her office. He took a deep breath, and decided that he was going to take the plunge. He shuffled the papers up and put them under his arm as he got up and headed for the door. He walked through the White House until he was walking through the little cubicle like offices that surrounded Olivia's office. No one else was in yet – no one would be for another hour.

"…C'mon, Olivia," He heard the familiar voice of his son coming from her office and paused, "Just answer me. Why would you say you didn't want to go out, and then go out without me?"

"Gerry-"

"Cause I think I've made myself pretty clear," He replied, "I've felt this way about you for a very long time. I'm not a kid anymore – I thought you might…"

Fitz's eyebrows shot up, seriously? He had toward stifle a laugh, he had been quite aware that Gerry had been harboring a little crush on Olivia for years – but he thought it had gone away when they sent him away to college nearly four years ago. At least he hadn't noticed it since he left his freshman year, and Fitz was usually very attuned to notice when someone liked her. Like half the male staff, but apparently he had been wrong about this one.

"Gerry, you have," She replied, "I just don't-"

"Fine, but why go out the same night- to the same bar?"

"I didn't know you were going out too," Olivia told him, she sounded exhausted – and Fitz knew this was the last thing she wanted to deal with, "I thought you were going to bed."

He smiled lightly, maybe he could make this go away for her – as a small gesture. A peace offering.

"Olivia," He said, pretending that he hadn't heard Gerry as he walked into her office, holding up the speech, "Can we talk about this? – Oh hey, Gerry. What're you doing here?"

Gerry, who had been sitting on the couch looked a little red as his father looked over at him. Olivia was behind her desk, looking over what Fitz assumed was the second draft of the speech that was in his hand.

"Oh, I was just chatting with Olivia," He shot up off the couch and started heading for the door, "I'll let you two work on the speech. I'm supposed to go with mom and Karen to some kids thing anyway."

He got up left the room quite quickly, and Fitz smiled shyly at Olivia as he sat down on the couch. She did not seem at all pleased as she looked up from the laptop she had been pretending to be paying attention to. Fitz got up and closed the door, then sat back down.

"You Grant men are going to be the death of me," She said simply as she looked up, and he gave her a sympathetic look, "I saw you standing out there through the glass –"

"I'm sorry," He told her, "And I'm sorry about the other night. I was a jackass, you didn't deserve that. I was cruel, and I shouldn't have been, I'm sorry."

"Thank-you," She replied briskly, and then went into business mode, "Now you wanted to look over your speech? I was just about to fax up the second draft…"

"I'm sure it's great," He replied, disinterestedly, "But you know that's not what I came for – I had to come up with something so that Gerry would stop yelling at you and leave. I thought his little crush was over, I'm sorry if he's been pestering you."

"No, he just came last night," Olivia replied, "Asked if I wanted to go to drinks with him – I obviously turned him down. Then I went with a friend, and he saw me."

"Sorry," Fitz replied, again.

"Would you stop saying sorry?" Olivia replied and he picked his head up – a surprised look on his face.

"What do you want me to say, Liv?" He replied softly, almost in a whisper, "That I'm over you? That I don't want anything but my speech writer back? Because I can lie to you if that's what you want – I don't know how convincing I could possibly be – but I can try. Or, I can tell you the truth. That I'm madly in love with you, and I have been since the day I met you – and that I'm getting the feeling that I always will? That I have been struggling to survive the past week and a half because when things aren't going well between us I literally have issues functioning? Or maybe you want to hear a different lie, like how much fun I had playing with your emotions the past eight years? How much it didn't kill me not being able to be with you properly? How the only reason I'm sad is because you caught on? Because all of that couldn't be the farthest from the truth, and I think you know that. So what do you want me to say, Liv?"

"I don't know," She admitted after a short pause.

"Well I'd like to know when you figure it out," He replied, taking a deep breath, and adding not angrily – just in an exhausted tone, "Cause I'm tired of being the bad guy. I'm not the only one who's in love here – but I will be if that's what you want. So, you tell me what you want, Livy, and I'll give it to you, ok?"

Before she could respond, there was a knock on the door. This brought both of them out of their little world to realize that a couple of people had come in behind them, and Fitz was glad that they had refrained from the screaming match that just as easily could have happened. Olivia, seeing the knock on the door as an escape – she didn't know what to say, she really had no idea what she really wanted. She knew what she wanted to shout at him, but it was a mixture of not being sure that it was really what she wanted and fear that stopped her. She walked over to the door – and felt his exhausted looking perfect eyes on her as she went and got it.

"Hello?" She replied and Billy Chambers was standing just on the other side of the door with two dozen red roses in a vase, a big card sticking out of the top.

"Olivia Pope?" He checked, smirking, "They had these, and were about to bring them up – but I figured I could drop them off. Hello, sir."

He poked his head around Olivia and saw the President sitting on her couch. She stepped back, letting him walk into the office with them, where he set them down on the desk and plucked the card out of its holder. Olivia looked to Fitz casually, trying to figure out if he had sent them, it would have been perfect timing. But she could see the surprise written all over his face – even if he was hiding his concern from Billy – they weren't from him, and it was killing him. Her heart sank as she spotted the fire in his eyes from the raging jealousy. He was choking down – he wouldn't and couldn't say anything in front of Billy.

"Sorry, I had to sneak a peak at the card," Billy smiled at her, "Had to see who the lucky guy is."

"And who is it?" Fitz asked, feigning indifference.

"Some lucky bastard named Giacomo," Billy replied, looking to Liv and handing her the card, "Never pegged you as a girl with a soft spot for Italians. I guess I was wrong – so, you two working on the speeches down here now?"

"I just had a few concerns about one of her drafts," Fitz replied, getting up from the couch, "But we were just wrapping up. I'll see you in a couple hours, Billy?"

He didn't wait for a real answer as he headed out the door and made a b-line back to the Oval. He was pretty sure that he had ignored several people who were calling his name as he passed them, but he really didn't care in the given moment. He had just spilled his guys to her, and of course, she receives flowers from some other guy. He wished he had said any of the thousands of 'drinks with a friend' comments that were popping into his head. He went over and kicked the coffee table – which only resulted in his toe hurting, and his shoe being scuffed.

"The president's going to need a minute," Cyrus said from over in the doorway.

Fitz looked over to see Cyrus standing just inside of the room, a couple of staffers behind him, in awe of what they had just witnessed. Cyrus himself was a little surprised, he knew that Fitz was completely off his rocker – but usually it was customary for Fitz to shut the door before he flipped out. He gave Fitz, who was frozen with both feet on the ground looking at them, a disapproving look. He then turned around to look at the shocked staffers.

"Go, on," He almost shouted at them, and herded them out of the door – closing it behind them.

"Save it, Cy," Fitz said as he crossed the room to the desk, going to the bottle of scotch that Cyrus had put back in his office for good behavior.

"How do you even know what I was going to say?" Cyrus replied in his devilishly calm voice, going and sitting casually on the couch.

"I went to apologize to Olivia," Fitz replied and Cyrus nodded.

"I'm assuming it didn't go as planned?"

"No," Fitz replied, drinking his scotch in one gulp, adding sarcastically, "No, it went great."

"So why was the table punished?"

"I was finally actually talking to her, and fucking Billy Chambers…"

"I agree that he's and idiot, but what does he have to do with anything?"

"He brought her the flowers…"

"Olivia's dating Billy Chambers?"

"No," Fitz replied, letting his anger show, "They were from Giacomo."

"What?" Cyrus asked, "I thought she ditched him?"

"What?"

"After you had your little hissy fit, she didn't go out with him."

Fitz didn't have the mental capacity to analyze that.

"Well she went out with him last night," He replied simply, throwing himself into his chair.

"Maybe you should take it easy today, sir," Cyrus told him, and Fitz looked up.

"Are you sick?" Fitz asked, looking up at him calculatingly, "Why the hell aren't you yelling at me?"

"You're angry, sir, not pathetic," Cyrus said as he stood up, and starting heading, "Besides, I hate that smug Italian bastard – possibly more than you do."

Fitz gave an empty chuckled.

"Somehow I find that hard to believe," Fitz remarked.

"You haven't met him."

Fitz took a little comfort in Cyrus' comment, and went to work on catching up on what was going on with his foreign affairs. The report had apparently been delivered while he was downstairs. He spent the majority of the day alone in his office, trying to pretend the morning hadn't actually happened. But somehow, he ended up analyzing it more than a little bit in his head. Olivia hadn't been expecting the flowers, she had looked at him like she thought that he had sent them. He should have – he wasn't that good at timing things – clearly. The only time he really left the Oval that day was for a couple of his meetings, none of which had Olivia in them – and for the first time he was sort of glad that she wasn't expected to them. After the way that he had just about stormed out of her office he couldn't take knowing that she didn't want to see him by noticing that she sent aids to the meetings instead of going herself.

"Daddy?" Karen walked into the Oval late that evening.

He was leaning back in his chair, dazing off into space. He had been watching the clock, forcing himself to stay right where he was until the clock hit nine, which was when Olivia would go home for the night. He didn't trust himself to leave his office knowing that she was still in the building. He had done enough damage with her today – he wasn't about to make it any worse – at least that night.

"Yes, Sweetie?" He asked, looking up and over at her with a smile.

His little girl – who wasn't so little any more was standing in the middle of the Oval. She was wearing a new cocktail dress – at least he thought it was new, because he didn't recognize it. She looked so big, so grown up from the time that she was running around the oval, spinning around until she was so dizzy that she fell onto the ground. He smiled a little at the memory. Karen had always been his little girl, and she always would be no matter how old she got – or how many boyfriends she had. It was often a running joke that whomever Karen chose to be with in the end, would be second to Fitz. He knew that that wasn't true, eventually she would find someone that outranked him – he just wasn't going to ever be ready for that day to come.

"What do you think? I just got it for a formal at school," She said as she walked towards his desk.

"It's very pretty," He smiled as she hopped up on the edge of his desk, "Tyler will love it."

"Daddy, about Tyler," She said and his ears perked up – he hadn't really liked his daughter's latest choice very much, "I don't think he's going to be around much longer."

"Really? Are you sure, sweetie?"

"Not quite yet."

"Well, remember what I told you: hold out for the right one, ok?" He told her, "That's all I'll ever ask."

"Do you say that because you didn't wait for Olivia to come along?" Karen replied, taking him by surprise, "You don't want me making the same mistake?"

"What?" He said, not at all sure that he had heard her right.

"Relax," She told him and he leaned back in his chair, "I've known since I was sixteen, and I was happy. I used to feel so bad for you being stuck with Mom. But when I found out, I didn't have to anymore."

"How have you known that long?" Fitz asked, his hand rubbing the crease on his forehead.

"Well, for anyone who even had a hunch – you guys take the same week of vacation every year," She said, "And sure sometimes Olivia says it's a family emergency, and sometimes you say it's a business trip – but every year. There's also the more subtle things – but it doesn't matter how I figured it out…"

"Of course it does," Fitz replied and Karen shrugged.

"I may have started catching on around the time Gerry had his incident," Karen told him, "But I didn't know for sure for like a year or something after that – you guys hid pretty well. But I used to use the blue room as a hiding spot from mom when she went on her 'let's parade the children around' kicks. I used to read there, behind the couch, next to the bookcase. You two came in for a like two seconds to talk, neither of you saw me in there."

"Karen..." Fitz went to try and explain himself to her.

"It's ok, Dad," She assured him, with a little smile, "I'm ok – you didn't do any irreversible damage to me. I was and am old enough to know that everything isn't what they tell you in fairytales. I just want you to be happy – and I know that you never really were with Mom. But you guys broke up, and it's been killing me seeing you both so miserable."

"Liv's miserable?" He asked.

"Of course she is," Karen replied, rolling her eyes as she reached over and fixed his hair, "She's just not as open about it as you are."

"Her old boyfriend—"

"Oh please," Karen said, "I had to say yes for her, at least the first time. I didn't know about the drinks last night until Gerry said something today."

"You-?"

"I had to figure out how to light a fire under you, dad," She explained, "I knew that you weren't going to get her back moping around like you were – and I was hoping that I could get you guys back together and happy as quickly as possible."

"I've been trying, Karen," Fitz told her, "But she doesn't listen – she doesn't trust me."

"Well can you blame her?" Karen asked, "Of course she doesn't trust you – why would she? What have you ever done that would allow her that?"

"Seriously?" He said lightly, "I'm getting this from you too now?"

"All I'm saying dad," Karen started as she hopped down from the desk, "Is you love her, like seriously love her – like the way no one believes even happens anymore, and she loves you too maybe even more. But I can imagine it would be hard for her to fully comprehend and trust that you love her with that ridiculous excuse for a wedding ring on your finger, even if it is an act. All I'm saying is – she's amazing, dad. You don't deserve her, sorry, but you have to do something that will make you deserve her – because you haven't yet. People have a funny way of choosing exactly what they deserve, and right now? I'm sorry to say that you kinda deserve mom, and whatever arrangement you two have."


	6. Wanting Things

A/n: Ok, so warning out there… if you guys are listening to the songs… this one has a version sung by the fabulous Tony Goldwyn, .so you should find that one :) Ok, hope you all enjoy another mostly Fitz centric chapter!

The Press Secretary

Chapter Six: Wanting things

""When will I learn to resist

WANTING THINGS,

Touching things that say "do not touch."

People that I meet seem to think I am strong,

They don't see inside of me.

So they don't know I'm weak and often wrong."

~Promises, Promises (Burt Bacharach)

Olivia was glaring at the flowers on the corner of the desk - what the hell had happened? She was just about to leave for the night, and just looking at them made her sick to her stomach .Judging by the card, Giacomo had most definitely misunderstood what had gone on the night before – and Fitz. She had been trying to figure out how to explain it to him all day – but then she didn't have any meetings with him that day – and she doubted he wanted to hear from her – especially after what had happened. She figured she'd give him a day to calm down – and a day so that she could set Giacomo straight.

She had wanted to tell him to leave Mellie, but she would never. For some reason she knew that he had to figure that one out on his own – but she wouldn't go back without something drastic happening. Deep down she wanted nothing more than to curl up beside him and not give a damn about anything else – but she did. And she was terrified that if she put herself out there to him, actually asking – because what if he still didn't. She wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to set Fitz straight, maybe their run was just done – either way she didn't trust him.

She took a deep breath and picked up the vase of flowers, walking out into the cubicles of office space and dropping them unceremoniously into the biggest trash bin. They wouldn't be gone until the morning now, the maintainers crew would have already left – but she just couldn't have them in her office. She took a deep breath, and dialed Giacomo – if he thought that they were back together, she was going to have to meet up with him. Tell him to his face, so that he knew without a doubt that they were not going to ever be anything again.

Meanwhile, Fitz was still sitting in his office, Karen had left him there to stew over what she had said. He understood, and he felt even worse about how he had been treating her in the past years. He knew that he should, if he was a good enough guy, he would just let her go – but he wasn't. He thought that his actions in the past had proved that. He took a deep breath as he massaged his temples, trying to figure out what he was going to do. He knew what he should do – he just didn't know how to configure how to execute it.

He had tipped his lawyer off that he should be starting to work on divorce papers in the next few months, so that they could be all set by the time he was out of office. He had done that months ago, and from what he understood his lawyer had been working on them in his spare time. He had just been biding his time, hoping that he would be able to figure out how to bring them to Mellie. He didn't know how to do it with enough secrecy to get it done. He had the overwhelming feeling that she would throw a hissy fit, go to the press, and ruin both of them. Not because she didn't know what was going on – but because he was saying something. They had always had a very unspoken agreement. After all, they had been living in silence for years.

Fitz looked over at the clock, and realized that it was getting much too late for anyone to know that he was still hanging out in Oval Office – especially with nothing else to do. He got up and walked over into his private office, where there were no cameras to monitor him. He walked into the smaller office, and went straight to the mini fridge and got himself a drink, sitting down and taking a sip as he looked around. He usually didn't spend a lot of time in there – just on a couple of occasions.

**Three Years into the Presidency: **

Fitz was sitting on one of the couches in the Oval Office looking over his state of the union speech with Olivia sitting across from him. They had long since discovered that if they wanted to get any work done at all, then they had to refrain from sharing a couch. He smiled at her over the papers – even if they were separated by a coffee table, he couldn't take his eyes off her. There was something about her, or maybe it was the time of night, but he was struggling pretty intensely to keep his hands to himself, or to seem like he was actually paying attention to what was going on. He knew that she could read him like a book – she usually could fairly easily.

"Are you ok, Mr. President?" She asked, knowing exactly what she was doing to him by stating it the way she did.

"Yeah," He replied, but they both knew that he was just about to burst out of his skin.

There was a coy smile exchanged between the two, which disappeared entirely as the door to the Oval Office burst open. They both looked up to see Mellie waltzing right in like some sort of large predator on the hunt. Fitz had just tried to maneuver it so that he would not run again, even though something told him that it wasn't really going to be an option for him. He sighed heavily as Mellie glared at Olivia, then slapped on her fake smile.

"Hey, how's the speech going you two?" She asked, and Olivia shut down.

Fitz had seen it happen a million times – and he hated it more each time. Any time Mellie even said two words, or was even present in the room, his Livy was gone. She hid herself so that she wouldn't have to deal with her, she put her head down and looked at the ground. He knew that it was guilt thing – which was why he worked overtime trying to make sure their interactions were as scarce as possible. He did his best, but that didn't stop them from seeing each other – especially if Mellie was feeling especially insecure. Which she should – because according to his plan in a little less than a year – he was gone. That was if he got a say, which he rarely did.

"Going," Fitz replied.

"So you'll be up in the residence soon?"

"Probably not for a while," Fitz replied as Mellie played with her rings – he wanted to hop up and rip them off of her – but he knew he couldn't, "Liv?"

"We're a little over halfway through," Olivia barely picked her head up, and his whole gut felt like it would kill him.

He was drowning, all he wanted was to go an reassure Olivia – but he couldn't. It would bring everything down. He took a deep breath as he looked up at Mellie – who was just about glaring down at Olivia. She looked back over at him, and smiled as she saw the way that he was struggling to not say anything – she had known him long enough to know how much damage she was doing. He went stone faced – everyone in this room knew exactly what was going on.

"Anything else, Mellie?"

"No, just checking on when to expect you, Honey," She said acidly, and he rolled his eyes more subtly than he would have liked.

"I'll get there when I get there," He said, it was the closest he could get to what he actually wanted to say.

He just had to get her out of there.

"Ok, can't wait to hear the speech," She said, her sickeningly sweet tone making him more than sick, "I guess I'll have to wait for tomorrow – Goodnight, Honey. Goodnight Liv."

"Good night," Olivia mumbled, eyes still down.

The door shut and the room was silent for a couple minutes as Olivia pretended to look over the speech. Fitz grimaced as he watched the pain of the situation fully come over her. It scared him and destroyed him at the same time to see his Livy like that. He took a deep breath as he watched her, and he could tell that she was starting to break down – something that was even rarer than anything else that had happened that evening. He stood up almost immediately.

"Why don't we take this into the private office?"

Olivia looked up at him suspiciously, and he smiled a little, offering her his hand to help her off the couch. She stood up without taking him up on it, and sighed heavily, handing him the half edited speech.

"I should go. We can finish this up tomorrow," She offered, "We have a couple hours in the morning before you have to go off to speak – wherever you're going in the afternoon."

"Liv, don't go," He replied quietly, pleading with mostly his eyes.

"Fitz.."

He gave her a slightly sadder than usual charming smile as he walked slowly over the door to his private office – gaging whether or not she would follow him. She did, and he smiled as he held the door open for her, and she snatched the speech out of his hand, and went inside. He locked the door so that they wouldn't be disturbed again, and walked in behind her. She sat down on the couch and made herself comfortable – still pretending to look over the speech.

"I thought we were going to finish that up tomorrow," Fitz pointed out as he poured them each a glass of wine and sat down next to her.

"Fitz, you have to give it tomorrow night," She tried to continue on in a business-like fashion.

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him – which she allowed. She let him take the speech from her, and he dropped in onto the coffee table. She snuggled up to him, her head nuzzled into his chest as he rewrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight to him.

"I love you, Livy," He breathed into her ear as he put his feet up, holding her so that he could truly feel her in his arms, "I hate this, so much."

"Do you?" She asked, her voice cracked, and he pulled her in tighter.

"Of course I do," He scooted down and kissed her forehead, brushing a couple tears that had fallen out of her eyes.

"We should finish up the speech," She replied, trying to sit up, and he nodded – he knew her enough to know that she had to keep herself busy – she didn't like showing him, or anyone else for that matter, her tears.

"Ok," He replied, leaning in and taking a shy kiss, "But there's no rush. I have all night."

"Do you?" She asked the question again and he nodded, kissing her temple gently.

"Livy, I love you," He said, "I love you more than just about anything in the world – I have all night."

**Present Day: **

Fitz drained the last of his drink as he came back to reality, where he was sitting on the exact same couch without his Livy. He was sad, but more than that he was broken. He had the overwhelming feeling that she was with Giacomo, and he was sitting there on his couch – not doing anything productive. He hadn't even gone over her second draft – maybe he would take a look at it the next day at some point. He took a deep breath as he nearly threw his glass back down on the coffee table. Just as he did so, his son walked into the room – and he looked up.

"Sorry," He said simply, "But Karen said you were in your office."

"What's up, Ger?" Fitz asked, scooting over on the couch and inviting his son to sit down next to him, "What's going on? Is everything ok?"

"I was wondering if you could talk to mom," He replied, and Fitz narrowed his gaze a little bit, "She has eyes on me all the time, and I'm ok. I take my meds, and I go to all my therapy appointments – and I'm functioning normally. At school no one even knows – and I don't want to be babysat anymore."

"Ok," Fitz replied, taking a deep breath, "We're just worried about you, Gerry. We almost lost you a few years ago, we're just trying to make sure we don't."

"You are," Gerry said, "Mom just doesn't want to have to explain it to everyone else why she couldn't raise the perfect son."

"I don't think that's quite fair," Fitz replied, even though there was way more truth in Gerry's statement than he would have liked to admit, "Gerry, your mom and I both love you very much – you're great. I don't know what I'd do without you – which is why I'm so concerned. But, I understand that we can't keep you in a bubble all the time. I'll see what I can do about getting you out of it, ok?"

"Thanks, Dad," Gerry replied, but the weight on his shoulders didn't seem any lighter.

"Is there something else that's bothering you?"

"Yeah, and I guess you overheard it this morning, so it's not really going to come as a shock," He took a deep breath, "I think I'm in love with Olivia."

"You're not," Fitz told him, trying to keep his tone even, and not mean,"You've had a crush on her since you were small, Gerry. It's not love – it's infatuation. When you were little and none of us could get what was bothering you out of you, you went and told her. Somehow that seemed to have bonded you to her, but you were a little kid, Gerry. Liv's much older than you."

"That doesn't bother me," He replied.

"It bothers her."

"She say that?"

"No, of course not," Fitz told him, "But trust me, it's not going to happen."

Fitz couldn't even fathom it. Olivia was more of an extra mother figure to his children, which was how it should be. Gerry was batting way out of his league, but almost in a whole other species. Not that Fitz was being mean, it was just the way it was. He couldn't tell Gerry why exactly she would never go for him, other than the things that would make her steer clear of him anyways – even if he wasn't in the picture.

"Why would you say that?"

"Gerry, she's thirty-three, she's beautiful, she's smart, and amazing. She's not someone who's going to go for anyone younger than herself. She's the kind of woman who has fancy millionaire Italian Architects sending her flowers," Fitz told him, he had to fight himself in telling Gerry, "You're twenty – one, newly twenty-one. She's known you since you were a kid – eleven years old running around in your underwear. And when you were twelve and all you would wear was your Ash Pokémon costume that she adjusted to fit you better. I think you should leave her alone."

As soon as he finished his statement, he knew he had been too harsh. No matter how much Gerry tried to tell everyone that he was a normal man, he was a kid – and he was a sensitive one at that. He got upset when people overtly kid gloved him, but that was also what he expected. Fitz took a deep breath, unable to fully assess how much damage he had done. He wondered slightly whether it would have been more prudent just to tell him that he was attempting to steal his father's, regrettably, ex-girlfriend – but figured that that was just as harsh. There was no way for him to win.

"Well maybe she's not as close minded as you," Gerry replied as he got up from the couch, "I don't understand why you can't encourage me, dad. I was coming to you for advice, but I guess I should have known better than to ask a man who hasn't had sex in about thirteen years, never mind anything resembling a meaningful relationship."

Fitz opened his mouth to speak, but Gerry was gone. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily – that could have gone better. He took a deep breath and opened his personal phone up – texting Karen to give her a heads up to make sure that Gerry got back to the residence. He hated involving her, but she always made a point of saying that she didn't mind helping out. She, after Gerry's accident, had put it on herself to keep him as close to happy, or looked after as possible. Fitz had refrained from letting her at all, and once she had dropped the feeling of responsibility, they had let her help out once in a while. Just little things like he was asking her to do that night. Asking her to make sure that he got home, or take a turn calling and checking in on him at school – nothing she wouldn't do anyways. She loved her big brother, and was just as worried about him as Fitz was.

Fitz wanted to go find him, explain it to him better – possibly just tell him. Except, he knew that Gerry was far too upset to be able to comprehend anything that Fitz tried to tell him now, and it was late. He knew that it would be much more productive to find him in a day or two once he had cooled down and maybe talked to his therapist a bit. He had an appointment in the morning, and Fitz almost found himself jealous of his son. In that moment he wished that he had a therapist – but wondered if he/she would even be able to begin to untangle him. He took another deep breath as Karen texted him back that they were eating cereal and watching TV – and that she would keep an eye on him, but he seemed in ok spirits.

Fitz looked over at the clock, Olivia would have left hours ago, it was nearing midnight. He took a deep breath. He just wanted his Livy, his sweet baby, and he wanted her in his arms. He stood up and stretched, leaving his glass where it was and "wandering" down to the press offices. He walked right in, noticing that it was empty, and only the emergency lights were on. He walked past the big trash barrel and noticed that Giacomo's flowers were in it. His heart felt just a little bit lighter, and he walked into Olivia's office – which was when he realized that her desk light was on. She was sitting behind her desk with her laptop.

"Sorry," He told her, "I didn't think you'd still be here."

"It's ok," She replied, motioning for him to sit down, "I went out for about an hour – but then I came back – I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight anyways…"

"You sure?" He asked, and she nodded as he walked over and sat down on her couch for the second time that day.

"I'm sorry about this morning," Olivia told him, he could tell it was impulsively, "We're not together, he just thought we were – that's where I went, to talk to him."

Fitz nodded.

"I know I have no right," He told her, "And I know I fucked up, over, and over, and over again. I know that I don't have any claim to you – that I don't deserve it. But I'm jealous, of everyone who even looks at you – and I'm sad that I can't hold you anymore – that I don't get to show you how much I love you anymore. That I was never allowed to send you huge bouquets of flowers and sign my name on the bottom of the card. It's not fair – and it's not right. But Livy, I can't – I need a minute. I need another minute with you. I know it's not fair, I know it is, and I am fully aware that you should kick me out of your office right now, but please? Just one minute?"

She walked out from behind her desk and over to stand in front of him. His heart was racing, unsure of what she was about to do. She looked over at the door, then back down at him – where he was just looking up at her lovingly. She took a deep breath, and he could see it in her as she sat down next to him. He was surprised, and she leaned up against him, wrapping her arms around him tight. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head, and held her firmly in his arms. Just the feeling and the knowledge that there she was, his Livy, in his arms with her head pressed against his chest – and that she wasn't really _his_ Livy anymore was enough to fully break him.

When his minute was over, he got up, kissing her forehead and headed out of the room. One minute was not enough. One minute was like a band aid trying to hold together his soul when half of it had gone missing. He would never have enough of her, unless he had all of her – something he would never have dragging Mellie along with him – even if she was not really an issue. She was an issue to Liv, which made her an issue to him. He couldn't chase after Liv until his leash had been severed. He understood that now, and Karen was right: he had to do something, and he had to do something quick.


	7. SOS

A/N: Hey Guys : ) Enjoy!

The Press Secretary

Chapter Seven: S.O.S.

"It used to be so nice, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me

SOS

The love you gave me, nothing else can save me

SOS

When you're gone

How can I even try to go on?"

~ Momma Mia! (ABBA)

Olivia sat in a booth remembering that night, that Fitz had asked for one more simple minute. It had been almost a month ago now, and he had been nothing but cordial and helpful ever since. He had kept his mouth shut, and was treating her fine – there were no more screaming matches, and no more of him showing up at her office with things that really didn't need to be discussed. It wasn't that he was acting like he was out of love with her, but he was acting so much better than he had been – even if she could tell that it was a pained version. He was being good, and she appreciated that.

"Olivia, you've got to get your head back down to earth every once in a while," Her friend Stephen told her with a little bit of a chuckle.

She was out, this time with her single friends, Stephen and Abby who were sitting with her in the booth. She took a sip of her drink and smiled. She smiled like Stephen and Abby hadn't shown up on her doorstep to force her into going out with them. Olivia watched as Abby was over at the bar, talking to some guy.

"Olivia, you're sure you're ok, right?" Stephen was watching her carefully.

"Yeah, Stephen, I'm fine," Olivia replied.

**Six Months into the Campaign: **

"Livy," Fitz smiled as he opened up the minibar in their room.

"What?" Olivia asked as she got settled on the bed, waiting for him to join her.

"This minibar is not nearly adequate," He replied, "We should go down to the bar."

"Are you serious?" Olivia replied and he shrugged, "We can't just go down and get a drink together."

"Why not?" He asked, "Why can't we go get a celebratory drink at the bar after a good day on the trail? If I went with Cyrus would anyone talk?"

"No."

"Well then no one should talk about me going with you."

"I don't think it works like that."

"What?" He asked, smiling charmingly as he slid onto the bed, his face near her knee, "You think it might be a problem if I take a beautiful woman down that I can't take my eyes off down for drinks as opposed to a middle aged man who already has his own married boyfriend?"

She chuckled as she reached down and played with the front of his hair.

"You're lucky you're cute," She teased him, and he smiled.

"I don't think 'cute' can fully cover how lucky I am, Livy," He said sweetly, looking up at her adoringly, "So what if I invite Cyrus to meet us down there?"

"You really want a fancy drink, don't you?" Olivia chuckled as she pulled her hand back.

"Don't stop," He smiled, taking her hand and putting it back on his head, "It feels good – but yes, I do. Do you mind? I know we try and spend as much time together when we can – but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to spend some time with Cy, right? And I don't want a fancy drink, I want to buy you a fancy drink. If that means I have to buy Cy one too, so be it."

**Present Day: **

Fitz was sitting in his office knowing that Olivia was out. He had passed Stephen and Abby in the hall earlier – dressed suspiciously in what he could only say was bar attire. Stephen in a leather jacket and Abby in a low-cut top, carrying another outfit he assumed was for Olivia. He walked by them without saying much, because he didn't know what he could say. Olivia had told him when they had figured it out – years and years ago– but he didn't ever have any interactions with them. Which he knew was on the list of things that bugged her about being the secret girlfriend.

It doesn't matter that she's going out, because he can't chase her. He can't chase her until he was completely free to run, and he wasn't yet. The papers were sitting in his top desk drawer. They had finally come in that day – but he knew that it was just the first step – and it was a baby step compared to everything he had to do in the next week – but he was going to do it. He couldn't let Liv walk away completely without a fight, and he couldn't do that until he was free to fight – and honestly say that he wouldn't be hurting her anymore.

He took a deep breath as he moved the divorce papers from his desk drawer to his bag, so that he could bring them up to the residence with him. He had Huck working on some sort of dirt, as to keep Mellie quiet about it all, which had come in the day before. He had to give it a little time to make sure that it was real, but apparently Mellie had been doing some time with almost every male aid that came through her office. It wasn't at all as damaging as an actual relationship – but it would be enough to ruin her reputation – which was all she ever really cared about anyways. He took another breath – tonight was the night.

"Dad?" Gerry asked, he had been skittish of his father ever since their chat about Olivia, "What're you still doing down here?"

"Just wrapping a few things up," He told him, then smiled softly.

He hated that there was a rift and awkwardness between them. He had avoided apologizing, because truly apologizing would mean telling him the truth – something he didn't want to share until he was ready to take the next step. Gerry looked at him as if he had gone a bit off his rocker, but that was ok. It was a good thing to look back on when all Fitz would see was hate coursing through his son's face.

"Ok, then," Gerry replied, shorter than he usually did as he turned to go.

"Gerry, wait," Fitz said, getting up from his chair and going around to the front of his desk, leaning against it as Gerry back peddled a little to stand in front of him.

"What's up?" He asked, waiting for his father to speak again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't as sensitive as I should have been a while ago, when you came to me about Liv," Fitz told him, "I was harsh, and I shouldn't have been."

"It's ok, dad," Gerry replied, "I understand what you were saying though. I'm actually a little bit embarrassed about it – like I actually had a shot, right?"

"Gerry, stop," Fitz tried.

"But I mean, it just threw me off," Gerry said, "Karen always joked about her dating some mystery man, but I never thought that it was actually something. But c'mon, she's a workaholic, and she's been single all these years – then Giacomo shows up and she doesn't even want to give him the time of day – so I figured she might—"

"Liv was seeing someone," Fitz told Gerry, "Up until about a month and a half ago."

"What?" Gerry replied, furrowing his brow, "That doesn't make sense – she hardly ever…"

"Leaves, yeah," Fitz said, "She has been since, huh?"

"You're mystery man?" Gerry said, waiting for his father to contradict him.

"She broke up with me about a week before you came to me," Fitz replied, "That's why I was in a slump, and that's why I was so bitter when you came to talk."

"She broke up with-?" Gerry couldn't get his questions out fast enough, "She and you? How long—? You two were actually-"

"We were actually together," Fitz told him, "For almost eight years."

"And she broke up with you? Why?" Gerry asked, "Does mom know?"

"She doesn't trust me," Fitz said, "She didn't think that I would leave your mom once I was out of office like I had promised her."

"I can't believe you – You're the asshole that hurt her," Gerry said, "And you've been cheating on mom. Seriously? What kind of man are you? How the hell do you hurt the mother of your children like that?"

"Gerry…"

"I'm telling her," Gerry said, and Fitz saw his fist shaking at his side, "That's my mother. And sure she's not exactly the best all the time, but – how could you?"

"Gerry…"

"You fucking cheated on my mom?" He pointed out again, "I know you two weren't in love or anything – but…"

"I fell in love, Gerry," Fitz spoke up and Gerry took a step back from him, "I chose wrong, love wasn't a priority for me when I married your mom. Then I met Liv, and fell in love with her on the spot. I can't not be with her, being without her is like someone trying to rip every organ out of my body. I hurt her, and I'm going to have to answer to that, but I love her, Gerry."

"Mom deserves to know, she'll leave you, she deserves better than you," Gerry was nearly spitting as he spoke, "And good Liv left you – you deserve it, you're scum. You don't deserve either of them, especially Liv."

"I'm trying to fix that."

"Oh God, you and her?" Gerry's face contorted, "I'm gone, I'm going to tell mom."

"Wait for me," Fitz said, leaning back over his desk, and taking out the papers that he had already signed, flashing them at Gerry.

**Six Months into the Campaign: **

Fitz, Olivia, and Cyrus were sitting down at the hotel bar, Cyrus already had quite a few drinks in him. Fitz was middle of the two, and Cyrus – having just had a fight with James – seemed all too happy to go down and celebrate with them. Fitz downed his last, and only his second scotch. He looked over at Cyrus, who put his glass down so hard that it almost fell over the other side of the bar into where the bartender was. Olivia started laughing so hard she was almost doubled over – slipping off the stool and onto her feet. She put her margarita glass down on the bar.

"I hate scotch!" Cyrus said, as Fitz got down off his stool.

"Ok, Cy," Fitz replied as he handed the bartender the money and a tip for the drinks, stretched, and they all headed over to the elevator.

"I'm tired, and I'm drunk," Cyrus commented as the doors closed.

"You should get some sleep," Olivia told him as the doors opened to his floor, "Do you need help to your room?"

"No," He said pointedly, "But James has to tell his wife that he's gay – I'm surprised she hasn't guessed by now."

"You sure you don't need help?" Fitz checked.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Cyrus replied, "I'll see you both in the morning!"

"Good night, Cyrus," Olivia replied as the doors closed, and suddenly Fitz was much closer to her.

"Fitz, you know we should just wait until we get to the room," She told him, trying to be stern.

"Yes, ma'am," He teased, taking a step back and she chuckled as they got off on their floor.

Olivia completely ignored the route right where her room was and walked with Fitz casually to the door in the corner where he was staying. He unlocked the door, and they walked inside. She smiled as she made herself comfortable on the bed, and he made a slight detour to the bathroom. She changed quickly into something a little more comfortable – a pair of his boxers, which were much too large around her tiny waist, and a t-shirt. He smiled wide as he spotted her, shed his shirt, and climbed up beside her – taking her into his arms.

"Oh Livy," He said, kissing the top of her head as she snuggled into him, "So it was worth it to wake up Cyrus to get your margarita?"

"Absolutely," She smiled, turning her head up towards him and kissing him softly.

"Mmm, what was that for?" He smiled as she pulled away.

"Because you're sexy," She replied, "And I can't keep myself away from you."

"I love you," He breathed airily, and Olivia pulled back.

"You're drunk," She half teased him.

"No, definitely not," He replied, smirking a little bit, "I only had two – it was Cyrus that nearly drained the bottle – honestly, that margarita ended up costing me. But no, I'm not drunk, and I love you. More than that, I am in love with you, Olivia Carolyn Pope."

She leaned in to his ear, like she was going to whisper something, then pulled back. She realigned, and she kissed him instead.

**Present Day:**

"I want to go home," Olivia told Stephen, and he checked his watch as he finished his last drop of beer.

"Olivia, you're not going to meet anyone if you insist on leaving at nine-thirty every night," He told her as Abby returned to their booth.

"I'll know when I see someone, ok?"

"Oh, c'mon," Abby said, slightly intoxicated, "You don't buy into that 'love at first sight' bull-crap do you?"

That's the way it had been with Fitz. Stephen gave her a look, he had gotten much more information about him out of her – he knew almost everything. He knew how they had met, and how easy it had been for her to fall for him.

"No," She replied, letting them see her do a sweep with her eyes around the room, "I just don't really see anyone that interesting tonight."

"Just like you didn't last night," Abby pointed out and Stephen held out a hand telling her to stop.

"I have to work – early in the morning," Olivia replied.

"Meaning you get to see a certain boss?"

"I was with him for eight years, next week," Olivia told them, "I get a little wallow time. I can't even stomach the idea of another man in my life, as of this moment."

"Leave her alone, Abby," Stephen cut across Abby before she could retort, "C'mon, girls, we should go."

**One Year into the Presidency:**

"Livy," Fitz smiled as they laid on the beach in Australia.

"Yes, Mr. President?" She smiled, lying next to him in her bikini.

They had driven hours once they had landed at the Sidney airport – on different flights. He had arrived the day before, and had been waiting at the hotel for her when her flight came in. They had driven for hours with just Tom and one other agent out to the most secluded portion of beach that they could possibly find. It worked out well, and hadn't really been hard to find. They didn't even know fully where they were – just that there was a shack up just inside of the trees where they were staying, and it was just the two of them – and the two agents, who were staying in a smaller place up the beach.

"I'm so in love with you," He rolled over so that he could put his arms around her, "I can't wait to flaunt you around to everyone."

He kissed her shoulder softly, a quick sensual peck as he trailed his hand around her flat stomach.

"Mmm," She said, brushing the sand off the side of his face as she looked up at him, "I love you, Fitz."

His whole face lit up, hearing her actually saying it for the first time. He leaned in and kissed her passionately, so much so that he was hovering over her, and they fell off of the blanket entirely and into the sand. He put a hand behind her head as he deepened the kiss. Then he pulled away, still smiling.

"That only took you about a year and a half," He smirked and she smiled, "See? It's not so hard now, is it?"

"You don't get to mock my stunted relationship skills," She teased him right back, and he smiled, hopping up.

"Oh, I think I do," He replied, picking her up in a fireman's carry playfully.

"Fitz! Fitz!" She was laughing so hard that her pleas were cancelled out.

"What, I can't hear you," Fitz joked as she started to punch his ass playfully.

"Let me down, let me down," She said, more than a little out of breath – which was what ultimately made him put her down, "Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III."

"That would be my name," He teased her as she went after him and he went running off into the shallows of the water – splashing around, "C'mon, Livy, my love! The water's perfect."

**Present Day:**

Fitz passed Gerry on the way up to the residence, which he thought Gerry might have actually allowed. He walked into the living room, where Mellie was watching the ten' o'clock news. She only did this when she knew she was on it, which always irked Fitz just a little bit more. Fitz walked into the room, Gerry very close behind him – but he looked over at him. This was going to be dramatic enough without him looking on.

"Ger," Fitz told him, "I'm sure you'll be able to hear every word from anywhere else in the residence."

"What's going on?" Mellie asked, looking up from the TV, shutting it off.

"I'm doing something I should have done ages ago," Fitz said as he handing over the divorce papers to her, "I've already signed them, I think you'll find that your settlement is more than generous. It's time we were done with this charade, Mellie. I have a year left in office, for which you can live here, and be first lady if you want. You can have whatever you want, as long as I am no longer bound at all."

"What do you think you're doing, Fitz?" Mellie asked, and Fitz was sure that he was right about Gerry being able to hear no matter where he was in the residence, "I let you have your precious 'Livy' – for eight year. I made sure that you had everything you needed. You don't get to pull this crap on me now. She broke up with you, or so I hear, why now Fitz? After eight years of the way it's been."

"Because Olivia doesn't want to deal with it anymore, and neither do I," Fitz replied.

"Fitz, she already left you," Mellie let out an empty cackle, "The damage is done, honey. She's gone."

"She's not gone until I see another man's ring on her finger, and a real smile on her face," Fitz replied, "And I will do anything I can to get her back before that happens."

"You realize the first place I'm going is the press, right?" She said and Fitz nodded, "I can't believe you really thought I'd go quietly."

"I would have expected no less," Fitz replied simply, dropping the papers she had refused to sign onto the coffee table with a pen, "Which is why I did a little digging first. You can go to the papers about Liv and I, but that just means that there might be a small press release. I don't know – something to do with you and several of your male aids in your office? You know there's video cameras in there, right? I mean, I hope it won't come to that – because it doesn't need too, all of them seem pretty willing to talk. You will sign the papers, Mellie – and you will do it quietly."


	8. Can't Fight This Feeling

A/n: I'm excited, because the chapter after this one is the reason why I decided to do the chapters as songs from Musicals. So, after I post this I get to start working on it which makes me very happy :) Also, I have a feeling that you guys might like this one too : ) Also, you might recognize one line in the first flashback – but only because it's too great to pass up :)

The Press Secretary

Chapter Eight: Can't Fight This Feeling

""And even as I wander,

I'm keeping you in sight.

You're a candle in the wind,

On a cold, dark winter's night."

~Rock of Ages (REO Speedwagon)

Olivia couldn't believe that she had let Stephen and Abby convince her into meeting them at the bar that night. She had gotten there a little early, and as opposed to getting a booth for just herself, she sat at the bar. They could worry about a table once they got here. She was on her phone, making sure that nothing had blown up because she was out of the office earlier than she usually was, then looked around. The bar was particularly crowded, which she noticed when she walked in – hence her taking a seat at the bar. It was Friday night, so it made sense that everyone was out. It had been a long week for her, and by the way the bar was filling up she assumed that it had been a long week for a lot of people.

She spotted a couple who didn't seem to be bothered by the masses of people that were shuffling around them. They were situated very closely together in a corner booth – the farthest that you could get from the bar where she was sitting while still being technically inside that bar. They were way to into each other, and being together that everyone milling around them and people coming and going – a couple of people talking too loudly didn't bother them in the slightest – and she understood the feeling. She not only understood the feeling, she missed Fitz – she missed him like there was a hole in her chest where her heart used to be that had been gone for weeks, and she was just now realizing that it was gone. She took a deep breath. That night would have been their eight year anniversary.

"You would think that they would move on to somewhere else," said the guy who was sitting next to her, and she looked around at him, "I was just thinking that they would want somewhere quieter."

He was a tall man, she could tell it even if he was sitting down – and she smiled a little. He was cute, his hair was full and reminded her slightly of Fitz's, minus the curls and just shorter. His eyes gleamed in the dim light, but were a soft hazel. She could tell just by looking at him that he was sweet, kind. Judging by his clothes he didn't always show it outwardly, but it was there on the inside.

"They would be just as happy anywhere else in the world," Olivia told him and he gave her an impressed look.

"You know them?" He asked, smiling at her charmingly.

"No," Olivia replied and he nodded.

"Good," He smiled, then joked, "I'd hate to see the poor third wheel with those two."

"They wouldn't have brought one along," She chuckled, "All their friends would know better."

"I'm Lyle," He introduced himself, extending his hand to her, "And you are?"

"Olivia," She told him, reaching over and shaking his hand.

"Pretty name," He said charmingly.

**Eight Years Ago: **

Olivia was sitting in the lobby of a hotel – she had just joined the campaign a little while ago. It was proving much more difficult than she thought it would be when her favorite professor had called her with a job offer. It seemed pretty straight forward, help him get some governor from California elected as president – as a favor. She had taken him up on his offer – who turned down a chance to work on a national election? And who knew, if he actually managed to get elected she would be set for life. Imagine that on a resume.

If only it were that easy. She wished now that she had said no. She wished she could go back in time and make it so that she told herself not to take Cyrus up on his offer. The minute she arrived on the campaign, Cyrus had insisted on introducing her to their Candidate: Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III. He was perfect. He was married – but he was absolutely perfect. The minute their eyes had met at their first meeting – she knew that she was in trouble – and he knew it too. All she could do was try to keep her distance, which was exactly what she had done thus far – but it was killing them both. That was until today – when it all sort of made sense. She would be lying if she told herself it didn't hurt.

"Hi," She heard his voice say simply – and she looked up to see him standing right in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him, not letting herself look up at him too long, going back to the speech she was working on.

"I have to talk to you," He replied, loosening his tie, watching her.

"What about?" Olivia asked and he sighed.

"Can you just come with me, please?" He asked innocently, looking around the empty room to make sure no one was listening in, "I just really need to talk to you."

"Ok," Olivia said, putting her things in her bag and following him off.

The campaign had rented out what equaled the entire second floor, and a couple of the conference rooms that were downstairs. That was why Olivia was down in the lobby, she couldn't look at him. They had been exchanging small flirtations and awkward gazes for weeks, and she knew that tonight would have been no different if she had chosen to stay by the campaign area. She needed a break from him, she had been falling in love with him, and she hadn't even been able to stop herself. But now she knew the truth, why a married man would be doing this. Her heart was broken, but at least she knew before anything had actually happened – and she had gotten herself actually involved with a married candidate.

"Olivia," Fitz said as soon as they had walked into the conference room that was closest.

"Governor," She replied, "It's ok, I understand now. You don't have to explain anything to me. If you and Mellie need to take a break before the next stop on the trail…"

"You know a break might be a good idea," He replied, watching her – he was trying to read her – and she could see it, "Before she tries to fake something else."

"Fake?" Olivia was shocked.

"I haven't touched out her since Karen was born," Fitz told her, "There was no miscarriage, and if there was – it certainly wasn't mine."

"But why would she-?"

"Our problem with Women's votes isn't one anymore," Fitz said, smirking sadly.

"Oh, Fitz—"

"I'm not coming for sympathy 'oh my wife's so terrible'. That's not my style, and that will never be my style," He replied, looking at the ground, and she nodded.

"Then why're we here?" She asked, more curious than anything else.

"Because I saw your face drop," He replied, looking up from the spot that he had been staring at on the ground, "I need you to know that what's been going on between us isn't me sad and upset. And please don't tell me there's nothing going on between us – because I feel it, I feel it in my bones. I feel it everywhere, and I can't keep my eyes off you. I can't function around you. I've been trying, and I know you've been struggling with it too."

"Fitz," She breathed, not sure how to react, "I-"

"_What kind of a coward was I to marry her and not wait for you to show up?_" He said and her heart melted, "Liv, I want to be with you, all the time… just—"

**Present Day: **

Fitz was sitting in the living room of the residence, in darkness. Mellie had gone out like a firecracker. She was long gone, and the residence was quiet. She had gone to Santa Barbara in a huff to pack up, and have her father's lawyer look over the divorce papers. It didn't matter, Fitz's father had required an airtight prenuptial agreement when he had arranged the match. There was no budging it either way, no matter what she tried to say. The kids were around somewhere – Mellie had tried to bring Karen with her – but Karen had refused. Gerry couldn't – or so Mellie thought because of needing to get to his meds and his therapist. They had pigeonholed themselves up in their rooms. Gerry seemed to have much less contempt for him as he originally did after hearing the whole story during their argument – but he still hadn't quite come out of his shell.

He leaned back in his chair with a beer in his hand. It didn't matter that Gerry wasn't as contemptuous of him anymore – because he had enough of it for himself. He took a look at the diamond ring, which was much more impressive than it once had been, that was in his suit pocket, and looked at it. He looked at it seriously, then put into the side pocket of his briefcase – taking another sip of his beer.

"Dad?" Karen said as she walked into the room, turning on the light, "Are you ok? Gerry and I are sort of worried about you."

"I'm fine, Karen," He replied and she nodded.

"We're going back to school soon," Gerry popped up somewhere behind her, "The staff cooked up a really nice dinner. Why don't you come eat with us? I'm sorry dad, I didn't—"

"It's ok, Gerry," Fitz said, and Karen gave him a knowing look.

**One Year into the Presidency: **

Fitz was standing in the White House ballroom, at the Christmas party. Olivia was standing across the room, she didn't usually come to the parties – she didn't like to see him pretending with Mellie anymore than he liked to pretend. It had taken a lot of begging and groveling to get her to come, and even then she had purposefully arrived late so as not to be there for the opening of the dance floor. His heart was breaking to be beside her, they had just gotten back from Australia – but he couldn't. He took a deep breath and turned to walk away – walking straight into his mother.

"Oh, sorry, mom," He said as he stopped, holding onto her to try and offset him walking into her.

"I was just coming to say hello," She replied, reaching up and kissing her son's cheek, "How are you doing, Fitzy? – Oh I know you're president now, but you're still my little Fitzy. The one who watched and shepherded frogs that he rescued from his father's dog."

"He always fed them to the dog," Fitz replied, as Olivia looked over at him – and he glanced back, "He said they kept him up at night."

"She's great, Fitz, brilliant – that Press Secretary of yours – what's her name?"

"Olivia," Fitz swallowed, and she nodded knowingly, "It's not what you think."

"Fitz, I have been watching you all night – you can't take your eyes off her – she's a bit better, but she's still struggling," his mom replied lightly, "I've seen that look before – but not in your eyes."

"It's not like that," Fitz told her, "I'm not like dad."

"I wasn't accusing you of that," She replied, quirking her brow, "But then what is it like? Are you sleeping with her?"

"I love her," He breathed, now simply watching as Olivia was taking to Gerry and Karen – one of the few times they got to go to White House parties, "So much that it hurts – and we just got back from Australia. I took her for her birthday present. We've been together a year and a half."

"And how does she feel?" His mother asked, still watching her son carefully.

"She loves me too," Fitz gave her a sad smile, "She's scared to, but she does."

"Fitzy, look at me for a second," She replied, and Fitz looked down at his tiny mother, "You are not your father – you're good. You're my sweet boy who saved frogs from his father's dog, and carried his little sister inside whenever she got hurt. You always were so concerned with taking care of everyone that you never gave yourself what you wanted. You let your father bully you into the things that he wanted you to do. First it was sports, then it was debate club, Harvard, and the Navy, and a marriage you knew you didn't really want– and I should have protected you better than I did. It's partially my fault, and for that I'm sorry. But a woman who loves you – never mind a woman like that – don't let her go, Fitzy. You deserve to be loved – and not in fake way."

She glanced a little less than subtly over at Mellie.

"Thanks, mom," Fitz said and she just looked up at him.

"I'm not kidding," She replied, and Fitz cracked a smile, "Is she good with my grandchildren?"

"Unbelievable," Fitz replied, "They like her better than they like me."

"Do you think this woman is the one for you?"

"I know she is," Fitz exhaled, "That's why as soon as I'm out of this damned house I'm getting a divorce. I'm in love with Olivia – and one day she's going to be my wife. I already caught myself looking at rings. I have it all planned out – our anniversary my last year in office I'll have already served Mel with divorce papers, and I'll propose. I don't want to make her wait any longer than I have to."

"Here," She said, digging through her purse and handing him something.

"What's this?" Fitz asked, taking it from her and looking down at a diamond ring in his palm.

"It's my mother's engagement ring, it's from before the money, that's why it's so small," She replied and Fitz raised his eyebrows, "I've been carrying it around with me for years now."

"Why?"

"I've been divorced for many years, Fitz," She replied, "I've been carrying it around to remind myself that love really does exist, it's rare, and most people don't ever find it. My parents had it, that's where I've seen the look in your eyes before. When you look at her – it's the same look I always saw my father giving my mother. They got married when they were sixteen, Fitz."

"I know the stories."

"Well you need to hear them again," She replied firmly, bringing Fitz right back in line like she always could, "They ran away from their parents, Fitz – because they said that it was inappropriate for them to get married. They were dirt poor the entire time I was growing up – it wasn't till I was almost eighteen that dad had worked his way up to owning the company he did when he died. They married for love, Fitz – sadly it's still as strange as a concept as it was back then. That's why I couldn't soil it by giving it to you for Millicent. I was getting worried that I would have to wait and give it to Gerry in my will."

"Thank you," Fitz said and she nodded.

"You don't let this one go, Fitzy," She replied, "Real love doesn't come along twice, treat her well, and don't mess it up. And no one will frown on you if you want to add to the ring. That girl deserves the world."

**Present Day: **

"Olivia," Stephen smiled as he and Abby walked into the bar – interrupting her conversation with Lyle at the bar.

"Hey guys," She said, looking up, smiling and they both were surprised.

"I see you've met my brother, Lyle," Stephen smirked, "He just flew in this evening."

"You're Stephen's brother?"

"You're Stephen's friend Olivia?" Lyle smirked and Olivia laughed.

"What's going on?" Stephen asked and both Lyle and Olivia shrugged.

"Oh, we were just chatting," Olivia said, and Stephen raised his eye brows as Lyle's phone went off.

"My brother?" Stephen said disbelievingly to Olivia as Lyle excused himself to answer his phone.

"I don't know," Olivia replied and Stephen took a deep breath.

"I don't care if you like him, Liv," He took a deep breath, "I would be more than happy for both of you. But he's my brother, my older brother who's already had a lot of shit happen to him. If you want to be with him because you like him – that's fine. Nothing would make me happier than to see you both happy – but I refuse to let you use him as a rebound."

What Stephen said to her was troubling – because she didn't know. She didn't know – she liked Lyle – and could already tell that she could be happy with him. But what did that matter while Fitz was still breathing? As long as he was breathing, she wouldn't be able to move on fully. Or would she? She knew that she probably wouldn't ever love anyone as much as she loved Fitz – but she wondered if she could love someone on some level.

She made her excuses to duck out early, not sure of herself at all, there would be plenty of Lyles, they didn't actually have to be Stephen's brother. She told him that he was right, that she wasn't ready and that Lyle at this point would be a rebound. She told him to tell Lyle that she said good night, and left the bar.

She got into her car, and was driving away from the bar – she told herself that she was going home. But for some reason she took the wrong turn out of the parking lot, and she was heading back to the White House. She couldn't go home – not tonight. She couldn't handle being alone in her apartment, not that night.

**One Year Ago: **

Olivia was sitting in the residence, which was a strange occurrence for her – but it was a special occasion. Mellie had gone for the weekend to Santa Barbara, bringing Karen and Gerry with her to see her family. Fitz had made some excuse that he couldn't go because of something that he was working on with Cyrus – but there he was pouring her her wine in living room.

"To seven years," He smiled as he sat down on the couch with her, handing her her glass, "And many many more with the love of my life. And as an added bonus – she's agreed to spend the night."

"You're way too excited about that," Olivia smiled as she leaned into his arms, so that he could hold her.

"I'm not ashamed of it," He replied smiling wide as he pulled her closer, "I love you, so much Livy. I can't wait until we're out of here. When it's just you and me – all the time."

"I love you," Olivia told him, "I'm so in love with you that I don't think I'll ever stop."

"You're not the only one," He replied, leaning down and kissing her head, then smirked playfully, "I mean, you are the only one. You're the only one that I ever have loved this much, and it's stronger every day, it's amazing to me. I will never love anyone as much as I do you, Livy. And I don't want to, it's only you, Liv."

**Present Day: **

Fitz finished dinner with the kids, and then sent them back to the residence to get some sleep. They had an early flight in the morning to get back to school. He however, wasn't quite ready to go back to the residence, and took a detour. He was in pain, he missed Olivia. He wasn't going to go after her until the divorce papers were signed by both parties – and Mellie had yet to sign them. He had sort of expected her to take her time, trying to find any loopholes she could – but there weren't any. His father had thought of everything. But still he had a meeting with her in the morning to go over it again.

All he wanted was Liv, it was as if every step he took it hurt him more. Tonight was supposed to be one of the best in his life – it was supposed to be that night that he proposed to Liv. That was all he wanted – Livy. His Livy, who was probably out with her friends like she had been doing recently, trying to drown out the fact that it would have been their eighth anniversary tonight. Drowning out all the things that they had said to each other a year ago.

He sighed as he passed the blue room – which had had avoided since the night that Olivia had broken up with him. It had been a struggle, all he wanted to do was go and allow himself to immerse himself in all the memories that the room held for him. The good ones and the pain. He promised himself he wouldn't haunt Olivia's office anymore – but he needed a little piece of Olivia – he needed to know that it wasn't some cruel dream, that it was real. That it would be real again.

He walked into the room and her presence hit him like he had just walked into a brick wall. Everything about the room made him hurt, and he knew almost immediately that it had been an awful decision to go in there – that was until he looked over onto the couch. He took a deep breath as he spotted Olivia watching him from where she was sitting on it.

"I'm sorry," He said, starting to back out of the room, "I shouldn't have come in here anyways. I'll go.."

"No," She stopped him, which surprised him, "Come sit with me."

"Are you sure?" He asked and she nodded as he walked over – and she let herself lean on him.

"I miss you, Fitz," She allowed herself to breathe, and he wrapped his arm around her, "But what we're doing is for the best. I need to move on – I can't stay in this with you – you're married. It's not right – I have to let you go."

It felt so perfect there with her– it killed him.

"If that's what you want," He swallowed, and she looked up at him, "I love you, Livy. You leaving, or moving on will never be what I want."

She watched his face for a second, and he locked eyes with her just as she closed them, leaning in and kissing him softly. She pulled back right away – scared of what she had just done. He could see the fear in her eyes – and took a deep breath before crashing his lips on hers, pulling her into his lap.


	9. Nobody Needs to Know

A/N: Ok, so we're going with simply the song here with no ties to the context that it's actually used in in the play it comes from… I heard it somewhere and I was like oh, it's Fitz.. so you guys should really look the song up and just listen to it…the flashbacks in this chapter match up to a few from past chapters, so keep that in mind… enjoy : )

The Press Secretary

Chapter Nine: Nobody Needs to Know

"Look at us, lying here

Dreaming, pretending

I made a promise and I took a vow

I wrote a story

And we changed the ending..."

~The Last Five Years (Jason Robert Brown)

Fitz woke up next morning still in the blue room, lying on the couch. Olivia was lying on top of him, their bodies pressed together, fitting as perfectly as they always were. His shirt was off, and draped over her, a sheet over the both of them. His heart was beating slowly, and he closed his eyes – enjoying the feeling of her so close as he leaned in and kissed the top of her head, the events of the night before running through his head like a freight train. Every minute was perfect, right up to and including him going off and finding the sheet.

All he wanted was to hold her as close as he was now for the rest of his life. She was beautiful, his hands running softly down her body, pausing at her hips. He didn't want to wake her, he couldn't. He would lay there for days – months if she would just stay there with him. In some ways he would have rather starved than have to see her wake up – have to see her go.

Just the thought of her getting up, putting on her clothes, and leaving him there heartbroken again made him want to hold on tighter – to cling to her. Nothing had changed, as far as she was concerned, and really nothing had. He was still the president, she was still the press secretary, and technically he was still married. It destroyed him, all he wanted was to be with her, he had made it worse for her. He hadn't wanted to make any moves towards her until it was done – all the paperwork. He would just show up on her doorstep and promise her that he was once and for all hers – he couldn't even do that right.

But there she had been, in their room, their spot. She had just been sitting on the couch – waiting for him, on their anniversary. She was sitting there, and she had called him over – she had kissed him, she had done much more than kiss him. He could still feel her hands slipping under his shirt as he pulled her onto his lap the night before. But that didn't negate the fact that she was waiting for him. He took a deep breath, and he smiled as he looked down as her, she was waiting for him.

**Eight Years Ago: **

Fitz was lying in Olivia's hotel room. The sheets were all twisted, and wrapped around them. Olivia was pressed up against his side. His Livy, he reminded himself as he smiled down at her where she was lying in his arms. The sun was starting to peak in through the window, and he knew that he should get going – that they had places to go and people to see, people who couldn't know what they had – what they shared. He trailed his fingertips down around her ribcage, and she barely stirred. He smiled – leaning in and kissing her temple. He looked down under the covers that were barely covering her, and then back up at her beautiful sleeping face. His hands traveled further down, until he had reached her hip, and he couldn't stop himself from running his hand over onto her ass.

"Mmm?" She woke up sleepily, opening her eyes and looking up at him.

"Good morning, sweet baby," He whispered into her ear, kissing it softly as he finished his sentence.

"Good morning," She smiled up at him, and he grinned – happier than he could ever remember being.

"You're so beautiful," He smiled, the sun bright behind him from the window.

"You're not so bad yourself, Fitz," She rolled onto her side, and ran her hand down his abdominal muscles.

"Livy," He breathed as her hand ran back up to his chest.

"Livy? I like that."

He smiled as he re-wrapped his arms around her and pulled her right up against him. He pressed his forehead to her's, the tip of his clumsy long nose just barely touching her tiny little one. The smiles on their faces matched each other's perfectly, just the same way that their bodies did. He could have died right there and then, he would have rather died than leave that bed – especially knowing what would happen when he did. He looked into her eyes again dreamily, this time finding panic.

"We don't have to-," He said immediately, "If you don't— We can pretend this never happened."

"I don't I think I could," She replied, her voice breaking slightly.

He knew exactly what she meant, and he nodded. He looked down on her sympathetically, he felt bad for dragging her into this – for saying what he wanted to her the night before. For being selfish.

"I'm sorry," He told her, "I'm sorry for pulling you in. I shouldn't have. You deserve better. A better man, a better situation. Livy, you deserve everything that I can't give you -"

"Fitz, shut up," She replied, and he stopped instantly, "I'm a big girl – don't insult me by saying that this was all your doing. Don't be sorry, because I'm not – which is awful and terrible, but I'm not sorry. You don't get to tell me what I deserve, I deserve what I want, and what I want is you. We're just going to have to do a little logistics is all."

"Logistics?" He chuckled.

"For starters you're going to have to go before everyone else wakes up," Olivia replied, and he chuckled, "We're really doing this?"

"We are _really_ doing this," He replied, leaning over her and kissing her sensually, "Because I don't think I could have hidden from you for another second."

"We're going to have to be careful," Olivia told him, "I don't know how we're going to function in public."

"We'll just have to wait for the second that we're behind closed doors."

**Present Day: **

Fitz took a deep breath as he let his hand slip up onto her ass. He had to go, he had to meet Mellie – which was terrible, and awful and made him feel worse than the scum on the benches on the New York subway. But it was for her, that he was meeting with her. They had to go over the divorce papers so that hopefully Mellie would sign, and they could ride off together – but that meant he had to get Mellie to sign first.

She woke up as soon as his hand slid low enough, just like he knew she would. It was something that he knew about her within the first couple weeks, and always had found almost comedic. In a different time he would tease her about it, but not this morning.

"Good morning," He smiled subtly at her as she came to.

"Hi," She said, that panicked look showing up on her face again.

"I love you, Livy," He couldn't stop himself from telling her.

"It's not right Fitz," She replied, sitting up – causing him to too, "I can't believe we – I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't – "

"Please, don't be sorry," He breathed.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Olivia said, "I know how much progress you've been making, and I've been making – and we just completely undid most of it."

"Livy—"

"And it's not like anything's changed –"

"Livy."

"What?"

"Do you still love me at all?"

**Five Months into the Presidency: **

Fitz lingered in the Rose garden a little while after Olivia had left. He sat there for a few minutes – reflecting on how much he loved his beautiful Olivia. It didn't slip past him that she was unable to say 'I love you' back to him, and he didn't blame her. What they were doing was terrifying, but their love was so real – and he knew that she knew it. Olivia was a goddess, sent from somewhere he never deserved to see to rescue him. But more than that Olivia wouldn't have stayed that long if she didn't know it – know what they had was off the charts.

He got up and started heading into the house – it was late, and he needed to get some sleep before his meeting in the morning. Olivia would be there. He had to rest up, because when he wasn't a hundred percent on his game, he slipped, and it was way too dangerously obvious that he was in love with her. He hadn't needed to tell Cyrus when he did, Cyrus must've known for months, telling him was just a confirmation on what he already knew. Every single moment that he was allowed to be with Olivia he seemed to only love her more – this was a concept that he thought was only reserved for idealist Country singers. Everything about Olivia made everything about his life seem so much better, and this was a major reason why he was dreading walking back into the residence that night – Mellie was sitting in the kitchen.

"Hello," He said simply, "Where are the kids?"

"They're spending the night at your mother's remember? With their cousins?" Mellie said shortly, "Where have you been all night?"

"You've seemed to know the answer the last dozen times you've asked that question," He replied, "So why even bother asking? – I'm going to bed."

"That is enough of you acting like I'm crazy," She replied, "We both know what you're doing – and if it got out—"

"It's not going to get out," He replied, "Don't worry your precious reputation is fine. Now if you don't have anything more intelligent to say, I'm going to bed."

"I know you were with her," Mellie started and Fitz glared at her.

"I would choose your next words very carefully, Mellie," Fitz said, his face had morphed to stone, "But mostly, I think that you should just shut your trap before you say anything that might make the situation escalate to places it doesn't need to be yet. Now, I'm going to bed. Good night."

**Present Day: **

Olivia looked over at him, her eyes begging him not to make her answer, his firm. He needed to know – the way she was acting and what she was saying – it was messing with his head. He knew her well enough usually to know when she was just panicking, but for some reason he was questioning his readings of her. He didn't know – and he didn't know if it was the time away from her or the charade he had been putting on in the past month that was doing it – but he didn't like it. He hated it, but he needed to know. Olivia inhaled; he was waiting for her answer.

"I met a guy last night," She replied, "He was sweet, he was cute, and he was great. The first thing I noticed about him? He had your hairline, and his ears were almost the same as yours. The second thing I noticed? His smile was just a little bit crooked, like yours – but it was off, there was something about it that wasn't right. His shoulders were broad, much broader than yours – and I wasn't sure if I could get used to that. The third thing I realized was that he was Stephen's older brother, and Stephen told me that if I was going to pursue anything with him – that he couldn't be a rebound. And then I was trying to figure out what the difference between my next real relationship and a rebound. I'm always going to love you, you're always going to be the love of my life – which absolutely sucks because you're always going to be number one for me. I'll be able to find someone to love eventually, but they'll never match up to you, and you'll always be my ruler. But I need to find someone who can make me not miserable. Someone I can laugh with and forget for a minute that I won't ever be able to have you again. It won't be Stephen's brother, but I'll find him – but I'm not going to find him coming back to you all the time. So once your term is over, I don't want to hear from you again. It's too hard, Fitz. You were right, what you said in the hotel room after our first night – I deserve better. I thought that you could be better, and you are. I just can't."

Fitz could see the tears welling up in her eyes as she stood up and started getting dressed – he had to get those divorce papers signed. She didn't deserve to have to live her life that way. He had messed her up, and it was time for him to fix it. He wasn't going to let her find some random man that would manage a smile out of her – and he definitely wasn't going to let her go off like she was planning without one hell of a fight. That little speech was exactly what he needed – hope, and an inspiration. He was not going to let the woman he loved suffer like that – to have to know that she was never going to have him - because she was, and he was going to be all hers.

He watched her leave, and then checked the time, throwing his clothes back on – and reveling in the fact that his shirt smelled distinctly of her. He didn't have time before his meeting with Mellie to shower and change – so he went to the bathroom and freshened up and made sure that his shirt looked as unwrinkled as he could figure it.

**Three and a Half Years into the Presidency: **

"We should start working on your platforms for reelection," Cyrus said as they were sitting in the Oval Office.

"I'm not running," Fitz told him simply, "I want to be done, and I've served my country enough – I think."

"You can't just not run," Cyrus replied, "Fitz, the people love you. Why would you ever just not run again? You can't disappoint them."

"I've got another person I'm much more invested in not disappointing," He replied and Cyrus raised his eyebrows at him.

"Have you run this by her?"

"She's waited long enough."

There was a pause, and Fitz could see Cyrus's inner struggle. The struggle between the paternal love that Fitz knew that he felt for Olivia, and the love of power, the love of seeing 'his boy' in office. The silence was deafening, and Fitz wondered what Cyrus would say – if anything. He had been the one to tell him three years ago that if he ever hurt Olivia he would personally kill him. Well, running again would hurt her.

"Am I in time for the reelection meeting?" Mellie asked as she burst through the door, "Because I have tons of ideas."

"I'm not running," Fitz said firmly.

"Why wouldn't you run again?" Mellie asked, daring him to say something, "It's not as if you have anything else you need to be doing, honey. What else could possibly be more important than serving the country that loves you so much?"

"I don't want to run."

He wanted to throw something – Mellie knew exactly why he didn't want to run. She knew exactly why, and she was trying with great ease to use it against him. Mellie was way too smart for that, wasn't she? There was a very real possibility that Olivia would leave him for running again, and he knew it, Mellie knew it. Olivia had been waiting in for him for four years, exactly. Why would Mellie want to win like this? What could she possibly have to gain?

"If you can't give me a good reason in two minutes, you're running," Mellie stated matter-o-factly.

There was silence. For two whole minutes there was a contemptuous silence that filled the room, and made Fitz want to flee the country. He wondered briefly within that two minutes whether it would be considered desertment to simply leave office without saying anything to anyone – because that was what he felt like doing. He wondered, hoped, longed to know if a president could be dishonorably discharged – and prayed that it would happen to him. He knew it couldn't be though – so he stayed silent. Olivia had worked too hard to be brought into the middle of a scandal, they had worked too hard to have everything they had done brought under a microscope.

"Alright then, you're running," Mellie said, and Fitz got up from where he was sitting behind his desk.

"You two have fun planning that one out," He replied, looking up at the clock as he went to the door of the office, "I have somewhere to be."

**Present Day: **

He walked into the Oval office, where both he and Mellie's lawyers had gathered. Mellie was sitting with her lawyer on one couch, her father standing behind her, and his lawyer was sitting across from them. Fitz entered the room without any big announcement and went and sat beside his lawyer.

"You're late," Mellie commented and Fitz nodded.

"I had something going on," He replied, looking to the people that surrounded him, "Are you all set, Mellie? Have you made a big enough fuss? Are you ready to just sign these papers?"

"I'm not going to sign," She replied, then added in her usual transparent act, "We have children together, Fitz. We had a life together, a life that we both wanted. I'm still in love with you, Fitzgerald. I'm not letting go."

"You want to bring this to trial?" He asked, "Because I would think that that would be the last thing that you want. They'll side with me anyways. This can get very dirty very quickly, Millicent, you know that. Or does your father being here change your memory of what's happened in the last twenty - two years? Our whole marriage was a lie, it was fake."

"Fitz, I am your wife."

"Legally," He replied, "But please don't try to pretend like you care for anyone but yourself. I'm tired of your games. I don't want to play anymore – I haven't for some time. You don't think a judge will see fit to end this for us if you won't? Sign the papers, Mellie, and just save everyone a lot of time, will you?"


	10. You Must Love Me

The Press Secretary

Chapter Ten: You Must Love Me

"Why are you at my side?

How can I be any use to you now?

Give me a chance, and I'll let you see how

Nothing has changed!"

~Evita (Tim Rice)

**Two Months after the Presidency/Present Day: **

Olivia was standing in the middle of her new offices. Olivia Pope and Associates was just off the ground, and she was happy to be working alongside her friends, Stephen and Abby. They were perfect, this was the job that they had all been talking about doing together since they were in college – a crisis management firm. It was just that before this, none of them had the capital to put their dreams into action. They were finally doing it, and Olivia couldn't be happier about it. The first two months had been extraordinarily successful – so successful that they had just had to hire a new person, Harrison Wright.

"Abby, go talk to the Governor's wife," Olivia said, first thing in the morning, looking at the web that they had constructed from their latest client, "Take Harrison with you, see what you can find out about what she knows about her husband?"

"Ok," Abby said, standing up and Harrison standing up at attention, still trying to get a grasp of how things worked around the office.

"Huck, I need you to figure out what's out there on the Governor," She said, "Anything that can be brought up in the public record and beyond – we need to know what they're going to say before they say it."

"Will do," Huck didn't linger, but disappeared into his office as soon as she had finished talking to him.

"Stephen –" Olivia turned to him, and her phone started to ring, "Damn it."

"Senator Davis again?" Abby asked and Olivia rolled her eyes as she put the phone to her ear.

"Can you stop calling me, please," She answered, any sort of niceness and patients gone.

"Maybe we can get someone to break his knee caps," Abby mused in a half whisper.

"Are you seeing someone?" He asked.

"What? What does it matter?" She asked, in fact she had been single since she broke up with Fitz, but that was no one's concern, "You need to stop calling. I am not, and will not ever be interested in spending an hour with you, much less a date."

"So we get dinner," He said, arrogant and asinine as per usual, "Unless you're seeing someone."

"Senator Davis, it does not matter if I am dating anyone, which I'm not," She said, "What matters is that you are the last person on earth that I would ever date. That's the problem here."

"Hang up, the guy's an ass, and he's certainly not going to stop," She heard her favorite voice on the planet, and looked up.

Fitz was standing just inside the doorway to the conference room, his guard Tom just behind him. She dropped her phone, the battery falling out as Abby ushered Harrison out of the room. Olivia just about melted at the look of him, he was dressed somewhat casually, khaki's and a dress shirt tucked in, his belt woven leather. Damn, he looked good, but he would always look good to her, even with both of his hands shoved into his pockets like a dejected school kid. Stephen stood up defiantly; ready to block Fitz from getting any closer to Olivia than he was.

"What the hell are you doing here, Mr. President?" Stephen's mock respect didn't come as a surprise to Fitz, and he didn't even make a movement like he had heard him.

"Stephen, go talk to the Governor, don't let him leave until you get everything that could possibly get out," Olivia said, and Stephen gave her a slightly worried look.

"Are you sure you want me to go?" Stephen asked and Olivia nodded.

"I can handle him, Stephen," She replied in a strong voice, but Stephen knew the truth.

Stephen knew how much she still thought about him, and how much she still missed him. He knew how many times he had found her in her office at early hours in the morning, and how many times he had found her crying when she thought that no one was around. He knew everything, and he knew how deeply her relationship with Fitz had hurt her. She wasn't the same, she wasn't his best friend anymore – she was, but at the same time she wasn't. She was changed, she was sadder, she was less of what she had always been. He knew that she could no easier handle 'Fitz' than she could handle a full grown tiger.

"Ok," Stephen said, excusing himself and mentally preparing for what he would be returning to.

"You look good, Liv," He said as soon as Stephen was gone, his eyes sparkling as he walked further into the room – closer to her.

"What're you doing here?"

"I had to see you," He replied.

"I thought we had a deal."

"We did," He replied, "But as I understood it, it was only so long as nothing changed."

**Six Months Left to the Presidency: **

Fitz was sitting in the residence not knowing what to do. Mellie still hadn't agreed to sign the papers – which at this point, he was convinced that she was simply trying to see how long it would take of her ignoring the papers before he just dropped it. The last thing that he wanted to do was take it to court, Karen and Gerry might seem just fine with it – but no kids wanted their parent's dirty laundry aired before the world, it didn't matter how old they were. He didn't want it to come to that, but he wasn't seeing much of an option.

All Mellie cared about was her reputation, everyone knew that – except for the American people. But what if they did know? What if he went to them with a plea? What if he confessed to the American people that he had fallen in love with someone else, that they had dated in private for nearly eight years? That he wanted to turn over a new leaf, that he wanted to make his love for this other person honest, and true without any doubt. Then, he would mention that Mellie, who had known the whole time and not cared, and had been having countless affairs herself, wouldn't give him a divorce. That she was that politically minded – she didn't care if she was lying to them, as long as they loved her. If they knew the real Mellie as opposed to the crap that had been feeding them for so many years, her reputation would be ruined.

He didn't necessarily want that either – but he would accept that before he would accept leaving Olivia the way it was. There was no way that he was going to not end up with her, and he would do anything it took – even if it was something he didn't want to do. But what if Mellie believed that he was going to do it? Would that work? If not, then he would be all set to go through with it – and she would have warning. He took a deep breath as he leaned back. She was back living in the White House, she had been off doing something, but she would be back the next night, and he had a lot of work to do before she got back.

By the time she got back the next night, he was sitting in the Oval office with three drafts of a speech that he was hoping to never have to give. Olivia's speech, the one he was hoping he was going to be able to use, was underneath that, but he couldn't let her see that. The drafts had taken him forever, he couldn't remember the last time that he had written a speech entirely by himself – he wasn't even sure he remembered. But there it was, his hopefully fake speech. He laid it down on his desk – and waited.

"I'm back," Mellie nearly sang, rubbing it in, as she walked into the Oval Office, he sickeningly sweet tone on full caliber, "Honey, what're you doing down here still? It's late."

"I need you to sign those papers, Mellie," Fitz said, exhausted as he leaned back in his chair.

"I thought you had gotten the message on those, Fitz," She said, not even missing a beat as she walked towards his desk, "I'm not signing. Not now, not ever. I'm afraid you're going to have to realize that you're living in the real world, sweetie. You don't get your happily ever after."

"Oh, I'm going to get it," He replied, lifting the speech up like he was going to read it, "You will sign, or the court will declare it – I really don't care either way. I just want to be out of this as quickly as possible. I really don't care anymore whether or not I get my hands dirty – but I get the feeling that you do."

"Don't try threatening me, Sweetie," She said, plopping down onto one of the couches, "You don't have half the stomach for it, and I'm simply much better at it."

"Are you?" He asked, narrowing his gaze just a little bit, "Because I think I got the mother-lode right here."

"What do you mean?"

"The truth," He held up the speech, "I've been working on it all day. A confession directed at the American people, I was thinking I'd work it into the state of the union on Monday. It has everything – how we were in a dead marriage, and you were screwing my friend, Porter – you didn't think I knew about that, did you? How I met a woman, and fell in love with her. How we dated in secret for a straight almost eight years – how you were carrying on with every male aid that came through your office. Then how you refuse to give me a divorce so that I can be with her, and only her for the rest of my life – which is all I really want."

"Congratulations, Fitzgerald," She said, without even leaving a second for a pause, "Welcome to the dark side – do you want a prize? Sorry to burst your bubble, hon, but I think you're overlooking something pretty major."

"What's that?" He asked.

"I don't give a fuck about any of those men," She replied, "You love her – I don't know why, but you do. And that means that I will always have the upper hand. You left her nameless in that little speech of yours, didn't you? Do you think I will in all the interviews that I'll be giving to counter this image that you're going to give of me?"

"What the hell do you want, Mellie?" Fitz asked, "And don't say me, because we both know that's a downright lie."

"Honestly?" She asked, "I want you to hurt her."

"What?" He furrowed his brow.

"Oh c'mon, Fitz," She said, "As soon as this girl showed up everyone was falling at her feet – everyone was worshipping the ground that she walked on, including you. She had the power, she had the job that I wanted, the life that I wanted. I'm jealous of her – she has all the political power, she has everything, and she's doing it without a husband, without a man to be the lightning rod. I just want to see her suffer – she flaunted it, she had everything, why the hell would she fall for you? What does she see in you, Fitz? Power? She has enough of that on her own, she has more power than you do. I just want to see her fall, and if keeping you away from her means I get a first row seat to see that – I'm there."

"You're sick," He replied, pulling the tape recorder out from under his desk, and turning it off, "And you've strongly underestimated me. I will be with Olivia, and you will sign those papers, without a fuss. It'd be a shame if this tape was somehow leaked just in time for it to be the front page tomorrow morning."

"You wouldn't."

"I think I would," He replied, "Do you think it's time that we see whether America is a country full of romantics, because I do. Do you know why I would leak this tape? Because I will do anything, anything in the world to be with Olivia once I'm out of here, and you will not stand in my way. You will not cause anymore hurt for her than you have -"

"I'll sign the papers," Mellie said, looking down at her hands in defeat, "You win, ok? Are you happy?"

"I want them signed on my desk by tomorrow morning," He replied, "Or this does go out."

**Present Day: **

"Nothing has changed," Olivia replied, "You may not be president anymore, but you're still—"

She broke off as she noticed him shaking his head, and he pulled his left fist out of his pocket, showing it off as ringless as he took a couple more steps towards her. She backed up until she was standing just about flat against the wall, and he was standing there with her. He was gazing at her sadly, longingly.

"I understood when you told me you didn't want to see me after we were out of the White House," He said, "And if your feelings are still so firmly set on me not bothering you, I completely understand. I hurt you, way more than I ever wanted to, much more than I can ever dream of making up to you. But that won't stop me from trying. But I didn't come here to tell you that, that's something that I have to prove to you through actions, and over time gain your trust back. I came here to give you something that I've been carrying around for about seven years – I just hope you'll accept it this late."

"Fitz-"

He held up a finger from his right hand as he opened his fist, palm up right in front of her. Laying in his palm was the engagement ring that his mother had given him so many years ago for her, and only her. The enhancements he had done to it were small, he hadn't wanted to ruin the simplicity of it, the simple idea of love behind it. It was still much larger than most, but it wasn't a skating rink – they had no use for one of those.

"Fitz-" she breathed as he sank down onto one knee in front of her, holding the ring up for her scrutiny.

"I've been an idiot, an asshole, a jerk, and a coward - But I love you, I've been in love with you forever. I miss you," He said, looking right at the ground in front of her, as if he wasn't even worthy to look at her, but then looked up, "I want the chance to make everything right – I don't know if I can, but I'm willing to try. I want to try to be the man you deserve, Livy. Let me fix this? Let me make you my only one? Let me tell the world how much I love you, let me parade you around – but Livy, please just let me love you. I will anyways -"

"Would you stop rambling?" She asked, and he was taken slightly aback, "Yes. Fitz, I say yes. We're going to have to be engaged for a while - but there's no way I could say no."

Fitz felt a wave of relief as he stood up and took her into his arms, slipping the ring right onto her finger. She cupped his face, momentarily admiring the way the diamond looked on her finger in the light – but was then pressed against the wall, with her Fitz's mouth attached to hers. He pulled away, and they smiled at each other, his hands down on her hips as she ran her hands through his hair.

"That was a great speech," She said and he smiled, "You wrote that all by yourself?"

"I did," He replied, "I was hoping you'd like it."

"Well I'd say," She smiled, leaning in and kissing him.

"Liv!" They heard Abby walking back to the room, with Harrison, "Governor's wife is at a prayer meeting – do you have any idea how long those take?"

"Yeah," Olivia called back, and Fitz chuckled.

"So you have to tell me what the asshole wanted, and why—" Abby broke off as she entered the room and saw him standing with Olivia in his arms, "He's here."

"Yeah," Olivia said, stepping a little away from him and playing with her ring.

"Ohmygod!" Abby said, running over and hugging her tight, looking over Olivia's shoulder at Fitz, "I swear if you hurt her again, I will personally kill you – and you don't have hardly as many agents to protect you now."

"I'll buy you the gun," Fitz told her.

"Please, you'll buy the knife," Abby said, letting go of Olivia and stepping back.

"Knife it is then," He replied, and Olivia turned around to look at him.

"I'll call you when I'm done with this case," She tried to dismiss him, and he shook his head.

"No, I'll wait for you here," He replied, "There is no way I'm leaving your side, not now."

* * *

A/N: THE END! It's done, I hope you guys liked it :) leave me one last parting farewell of a review? And be on the look out for the next one, ok? It's already getting a lot of thought (Think 1850s)… anyways thanks for reading, and thanks for sticking with it… Love you guys! s


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